Speakeasy forum

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Word use (Joke)

by billzhills / October 30, 2004 4:22 AM PDT

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S *** SHOWS.

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S *** OUT IN FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ***.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST *** IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS *** FOR $10.00.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER *** IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

Not much of a story but with all the Electorial bashing going on how true are the news stories.


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You did good! Much needed humor. :-)
by W2X3XP / October 30, 2004 8:21 AM PDT
In reply to: Word use (Joke)

And it is too a good story! Brought tears to my eyes!

Sending on to my Catholic friends

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Let me tell one now. A very old and short 'un
by netsky / October 30, 2004 9:27 AM PDT

"Gone out calling" was the social custom in days before telephones.

Persons of aspiring refinement had their calling cards, to be deposited on the butler's plate at the homes at which they arrived otherwise unannounced.

Of course, if the vistors were -not- particulary welcome, word would be gotten to the callers, that their host was, himself, out "calling"

A delightful waste of time for all concerned.


One fine Saturday morning two prim and erect old Irish biddies were making their social rounds.

"Oh, see, dear, there's the Bishop's house. Let us ring!

What a catch of the day,if the Bishop were at home!

The door was answered by no butler. It the Bishop's scrubwoman, looking peeved for the interruption.

"May we inquire upon lord Bishop, young woman?"

"Ye may indeed! Boot he ain't a gonna hear you- he's still a-bed!"

"Ah! Cooed the one biddy to the other:

"Asleep in the arms of Morpheus!"

The impatient scrubwoman retorted as she pushed shut the door:

"I do na know 'is name. I only know he is a sailor."

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(NT) (NT) Funnyeeeeeeeee.
by W2X3XP / October 30, 2004 12:28 PM PDT
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(NT) (NT) Very Good, will add to collection...
by billzhills / October 31, 2004 9:42 PM PST
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(NT) (NT) thanks! wuz in my hed so long i forget where i read it
by netsky / November 1, 2004 9:43 AM PST
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it is so old, and i forgot that few today can know that the
by netsky / November 1, 2004 9:59 AM PST

The whole crux of the joke is not the "sailor" part, but the "asleep in the arms of Morpheus"

See, a century ago when this joke must've been penned, all people having a primary education knew greek and roman mythology and literary references. This kind of liberal eduction died out when I was in grade school- really before! I got mine in time to flunk Latin I about two years running! (grin). but i did learn about Morpheus, so the joke was a natural hit with me. Here's what it means then, this Morpheus:

MAWR-fee-uhs) A Roman god of sleep and dreams. 1
? Someone who is ?in the arms of Morpheus? is asleep. 2
? The narcotic morphine was named after Morpheus. 3

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Another to send
by billzhills / October 31, 2004 9:53 PM PST

Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes..

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus " bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance followed by a thunderous prayer meeting; so I bough the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection just lost in though about the Lord and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!

Why, while I was sitting there the guy behind me started honking crazy and then he leaned out of his window and screamed "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! JESUS CHRIST, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii; so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing... Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers, grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared; so I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

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(NT) (NT)Billz didz youz comez downz fromz Zhillz toz votez Tuez?
by Catgic / October 30, 2004 9:52 AM PDT
In reply to: Word use (Joke)
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by billzhills / October 31, 2004 9:48 PM PST


If I am read you correctly I am Not a snowbird.

Been in the Zephryhills area for over 20 years.

Who I am going to vote for......
I stand on the 5th amendment.....


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Re: ?!?
by Catgic / November 1, 2004 6:20 AM PST
In reply to: ?

Since your Day One e-howdy when you GOT ?load an awful lot of cyber vitals on the plate at CNET's chuck wagon,? and Netizen ?Dude? Gerces didn?t, I knew that Bill?from dem thar?zHills sported a ?full pudding pod.?

Are you reading me correctly, Billy the Kid? OF COURSE YOU ARE!

I figured that you were ?Not a snowbird.? But your ?over 20 years? in the zHills area does give you pseudo-Cracker status, like me. As a teenager, I ?immigrated? to El Para

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Re: ?!?
by billzhills / November 1, 2004 7:02 AM PST
In reply to: Re: ?!?

'fraid I don't know Netizen ?Dude? Gerces or the first day chuck wagon

Now I should've said that I was born in St Pete and I should of said I have lived in the Tampa area all my life. Don't mind having pseudo-Cracker status, catches folks off guard.

As for the 5th, know that you are not nosey, just trying to head off them that are. Seen too many BBQs' here at the Speakeasy. Spend most of my time between systems here at the shop and at Computer Help, Hwd and Newbies.

See ya around


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U R smart to Cowpoke in Techland. Speakeasy is the Badlands
by Catgic / November 1, 2004 8:55 AM PST
In reply to: Re: ?!?
??just trying to head off them [off at the pass Wink ] that are. Seen too many BBQs? here at the Speakeasy. Spend most of my time between systems here at the shop and at Computer Help, Hwd and Newbies.

You?re one smart St. Pistol Pete, ?Cracker? Cowboy to stay clear of the Badlands of Speakeasy. The Cyber-Forum techophile types seem to ?play well with others,? compared to many of those who lay in ambush in the hard speakin? SE Badlands.

I had to dodge a few Assault Negev rifle launched e-grenades and an e-IED for making ?the mistake? of volunteering a corrosion engineering consult to a saw bones in an effort to help him unscrew a ?frozen? light bulb. KABOOM!!! KABOOM!!! KABLOWEE!!!

As they say, ?Forewarned is forearmed.? The experience helped me calibrate and clarify the group persona of the gang from the Badlands Klan. You?re correctomundo, too many are BBQ?ed, Joan of Arc style, on the Speakeasy Spit. There?s a group in SE who have acquired a taste for BBQ?ed Newbie ?flesh.? Thus, the BBQ entr
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(NT) (NT) Wow, that was a good read! LOL
by W2X3XP / November 1, 2004 9:11 AM PST
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(NT) (NT) Too funny!
by lylesg / October 30, 2004 11:57 AM PDT
In reply to: Word use (Joke)
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Yep, it's the new journalism.
by Steven Haninger / October 30, 2004 12:47 PM PDT
In reply to: Word use (Joke)

They tease you and then leave you feeling jilted. Happy

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Re: Word use (Joke)
by MarkFlax Forum moderator / October 31, 2004 10:41 PM PST
In reply to: Word use (Joke)


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