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WJW: Dear Dad...

by Dave Konkel [Moderator] / December 1, 2004 2:30 AM PST

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Dad".

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice - even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy.

Even though you don't care for her, as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me, and that's now
one of my dreams, too.

Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone, and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!

Don't worry, Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, John.

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk center drawer.
I love you! Please call when it is safe for me to come home.

-- Dave K, Speakeasy Moderator
click here to email semods4@yahoo.com

The opinions expressed above are my own,
and do not necessarily reflect those of CNET!

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