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WJW: Carnac the Magnificent (Johnny Carson, RIP)

Carnac The Magnificent

ANSWER: Gatorade.
QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare?

ANSWER: Bible belt.
QUESTION: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants?

ANSWER: Milk and honey.
QUESTION: What do you get from a bee that has an udder?

ANSWER: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday.
QUESTION: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles.

ANSWER: Black and white and twenty feet tall.
QUESTION: Describe Sister Mary Kong.

ANSWER: Ben Gay.
QUESTION: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids?

ANSWER: An unmarried woman.
QUESTION: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, 1952?

ANSWER: Disjoint.
QUESTION: What was dat hippie smoking?

ANSWER: The Laughing Policeman.
QUESTION: What do you call a cop who frisks himself?

ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman.
QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman.

ANSWER: Until he gets caught.
QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve?

ANSWER: Old wives tale.
QUESTION: What do cannibals find hard to digest?

ANSWER: Rub-a-dub-dub.
QUESTION: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub?

ANSWER: Shareholder.
QUESTION: What did Sonny Bono used to be?

ANSWER: Skalliwags.
QUESTION: What does your skalli do when it's happy?

ANSWER: David Frost.
QUESTION: On a cold morning what forms on your david?

ANSWER: Head and shoulders.
QUESTION: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's car?

ANSWER: Hickory Dickory Dock.
QUESTION: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory dickory?

ANSWER: "Rose Bowl."
QUESTION: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling alley?

ANSWER: That darn cat.
QUESTION: Who ruined that darn rug?

ANSWER: High rollers.
QUESTION: Describe a stoned bowling team.

ANSWER: Gunga din.
QUESTION: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga?

ANSWER: "Follow the yellow brick road."
QUESTION: What are good directions to a urologist's office?

ANSWER: At both ends.
QUESTION: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles?

ANSWER: Igloo.
QUESTION: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off?

QUESTION: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"?

ANSWER: Grape Nuts.
QUESTION: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo?

ANSWER: Supervisor.
QUESTION: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his eyes?

ANSWER: Crabgrass.
QUESTION: What do crabs get high on?

ANSWER: Shake-N-Bake.
QUESTION: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The Towering Inferno.

ANSWER: Blazing Saddles.
QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch?

ANSWER: Flypaper.
QUESTION: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper?

ANSWER: Deep freeze.
QUESTION: Name an Eskimo porno film.

ANSWER: Bedbug.
QUESTION: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker?

-- Dave K, Speakeasy Moderator
click here to email

The opinions expressed above are my own,
and do not necessarily reflect those of CNET!

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(NT) (NT) roflmao lol
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What I remember most

was the audience reaction when Carnac said
"I hold in my hand...the last envelope"Happy

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I wonder what happened to the mayonnaise jar!

His turban is in a museum someplace.

-- Dave K, Speakeasy Moderator
click here to email

The opinions expressed above are my own,
and do not necessarily reflect those of CNET!

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