I use the the following Microsoft Update/ "Notify me but don't automatically install them"

http://update.microsoft.com/microsoftupdate/

Try this or get a Nett passport and post your problem on their Newsgroup.

The following post if from Kiwi's earlier post "Can't get my updates"
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Nett Passport
by tallin - 12/01/07 16:19
In reply to: Can't update XP by Kiwi974
If you have not got a <nett passport> sign in and get one, then you can get help from posting a thread on Microsoft Newgroup forum.

https://accountservices.passport.net/ppnetworkhome.srf?lc=3081

After you get your passport go to the following page and log in, then post your problem with the heading "Failed to get Microsoft Updates"

http://www.microsoft.com/communities/newsgroups/en-us/default.aspx?dg=microsoft.public.windowsupdate&lang=en&cr=US

The news group has been a wonderful help to me, but you need to get professional help with this. I had the same problem and they were quick and most helpful.

Good luck -