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Who's on first? Abbott and Costello buying a computer

by Rick S / April 2, 2005 1:14 PM PST

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of you who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on!



If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,"Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:



COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT



ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK. What did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click on the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3, and 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!



(A few days later)



ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START"

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One of the first comedy routines I introduced my son to
by Ziks511 / April 3, 2005 5:32 PM PDT

was "Who's on First". Since he's a computer geek, he should enjoy this immensely. Thanks Rick.

With kids sources are less important (wow, there's a profound statement). A catch phrase in our house when I was growing up was "It ain't a fit night out for man or beast", used for all species of inclement weather after sunset, regardless of the season.

It wasn't until I watched a videotape of W.C.Fields short movie "The Fatal Glass of Beer" at about the age of 35 that I found out where it came from. It was especially funny since I wasn't expecting it, it recurrs repeatedly through the 12 minute film, and for the view it provided of my parents in their youth. How my mother got to see it I still don't know, since she was English. Maybe through some ENSA or USO show over in Blighty.

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'Fit night out for man or beast'
by Roger NC / April 4, 2005 6:21 AM PDT

Funny thing is that I've remembered it from the cartoon movie, Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Old Corneius bangs on door of Santa's house, saying it's not a fit night out for man or beast, they open it, he walks in and says here the man, and then says here's the beast as the monster follows him on a rope.

Ok, so it's somethinglikethat, maybe not exactly but close.

Chuckling, what does it say about me that I associate such a common saying with that show?

JMO

Roger

click here to email semods4@yahoo.com

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