Because ALWAYS having a second, or third user with admin rights is a must, you should be able to log in as one of the other admin users. From there you can try running the various fixes you've mentioned, or simply copying your old profile information to a new one. Have you tried that yet?

If you've not created a secondary admin user account, (you've now learned why that's so important), then create a recovery disk on a different computer and move forward from there. The link below should help:

https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/help/947215/you-receive-a-the-user-profile-service-failed-the-logon-error-message

Hope this helps.

Grif