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Newly released transcripts of cell phone conversations that took place all over Ohio shed new light on why John Kerry went down to a stunning defeat.
Caller 1: Dude, where are you?
Caler 2: Duuuude, I'm on line waiting to VOTE BUSH OUT!
Caller 1: Man, still? How long is the line?
Caller 2: Dude, its gnarly. I may be here for hours. There are all of these moms wearing "I'm a security mom for Bush" T-Shirts. They are making this line way long.
Caller 1: That sucks dude, hey, any hot Moms?
Caller 2: Shut up man, you'll frost my buzz.
Caller 1: Anyway dude, Its too bad you're still doing your civic duty and s**t, because JoAnne just called, she just got a bag of righteous bud and was calling to see if we were coming over.
Caller 2: JoAnne? Really?
Caller 1: Yeah dude, and she asked about you specifically.
Caller 2: No s**t? But I may be here for hours. How long did it take you to vote today?
Caller 1: Man, I really wanted to, but I spent my gas money on weed and I got SOOOO BAKED this morning, it just wasn't happening.
Caller 2: DUDE, you mean you didn't vote? Are you crazy? Do you want to be drafted??
Caller 1: No worries mon. My cousin told me that when you get the draft letter, all you have to do is tell them you're gay, and they won't take you.
Caller 2: Gay? Really?
Caller 1: Yeah, its called ask and tell or some s**t like that.
Caller 2: well, then maybe I can make it over to JoAnne's.
Caller 1: Excellent! Hey, can you swing by and pick me up?
Caller 2: Sure.
Caller 1: And can you grab some beer, I kinda promised JoAnne we'd bring some.
Caller 2: No problem, I'll be there in a few.
And there you have it.