The Flippin' Bird!

Thank you, Mark! I will give the Butterball site a try. I don't think I got roasting bags, and have no clue if we even had a heating pad, so I may have to modify Edward's ideas otherwise.

And as I was so rudely informed last New Years, my lack of knowledge of cooking is vastly exceeded by my ignorance in alcohol - fine or otherwise. I can tell wine only by the clear white type, the pink ones and the red ones. I have NO idea what a Beaujolais is, but if it tastes good, I may try to find some to serve to my intended victims, whoops, I mean guests! I still am unclear about why the large plastic drinking cups from Burger King with the pictures of the basketball players on them were so inappropriate to serve the wine in last time. Perhaps it was football season?

1. Any of your friends/neighbors have tanning beds? (never tried this but might work)

2. How about a sauna? (never tried this but might work)

3. No heat pad? a 100W or better incandescent bulb (husband's trouble light if he works on cars) should serve but without roasting bags may be problematic as far as sanitation goes (hint, if you have to go this route gift certificates to the local emergency room may be reasonable Christmas gifts). (never tried this but should work)

4. Take bird to store with you, get roasting bags, place bird in roasting bag, place bird in bag in engine compartment, go for scenic drive and relax while bird basks (and thaws) in warmth of engine compartment. (never tried this but should work as a slight variation adequately cooks hot dogs--avoid canned goods if trying this)

I actually saw a series of email newsletters about using car engines as the heat source for cooking. Hard to believe.

It is apparently possible to do a good bit of cooking while driving cross country, but you have to make sure everything is sealed up tight.

I don't think I'd try it for a holiday meal. Your heating pad idea sounded more reasonable.

Diane, the Beaujolais Nouveau is the new wine made right after the harvest - it is always released one week before Thanksgiving. It is a light, drinkable red wine which can be served chilled with Thanksgiving dinner. If any wine snobs tell you different, just look down your nose at them and say "Oh really?"

The release of Beaujolais Nouveau is celebrated around the world at the same time, and many restaurants have special meals as part of the celebration.

Here's a website for those interested:

http://www.beaujolais.net/eng/page.htm

Mark

We opened a bottle of the new Beaujolais yesterday evening for supper. My wife always looks forward to Thanksgiving and Beaujolais Nouveau.

I have to admit, though, that I didn't like this year's stuff as much as usual. But that's just me. Others may find it more appealing than I did.

Hmmm, well, I haven't had any yet, but the reviews I've read suggested a good year. I bought some Georges Duboeuf, so we'll see.

I didn't think it was awful ... I just didn't like it as well as most of the previous years. You may find it quite satisfactory.

One of the unpredictable things about wine is that individual tastes vary a good bit. Wine that I like may not appeal to somebody else, and conversely.

Mary Kay, glad to hear that there are others out there who had had cooking "issues" too!

I've learned many things over the years, including:

1) Never believe the kids when they tell you they thoroughly poked the baking potatoes before putting them in the microwave (and yes, the microwave door CAN be blown off by exploding potatoes).

2) The melted juice of baked sweet potatoes will exceed the holding power of all marketed superglue, yet will still burn with black, acrid smoke if left in the oven for the next time you use it.

3) The Emergency Room cannot do much for parts of knuckles removed while grating cheese or peeling potatoes (also most guests get queasy when the cook's hand is wrapped in bloody bandages).

4) Never serve cranberry or grape juice at the same time you are serving wine and leave the kids to "remember" which cup was theirs. Also, after half a glass, a foul taste will not deter them from seeking more (they also get sloppy about advance potty planning after half a glass of wine).

5) Never let the kids who help with the meals see you remove the dressing. A loud announcement of "Ewwww! That came out of it's BUTT!!!!!!'" takes a bit of explaining to calm the younger guests.

6) If keeping the neck of the turkey to eat, always explain to the young boys ahead of time that it is THE NECK, and not some other part they think a boy bird might have.

7) Never respond immediately to a scream while using the electric beaters on mashed potatoes or gravy unless they happen to match your wallpaper.

Take note of the females who rearrange your silverware settings and make the napkins into swans while denouncing your oversight in that department. Lose their address before next year.

I agree anyone who is less tha exstatic is not welcome back next year. After all, the important thing is the love and sharing . And probably the laughs that are creating future memories. So if it doesn't thaw and you have burgers on the grill. So what? You can see how cranberries taste with them.

the first meal I cooked for Susie - chilli con carne.

I'd been making it for years - packet chilli, tinned beans. Susie had made a bif deal about how3 she used only frech ingredients. Umm.

Bought a cook book, bought the ingrdiants. Only two problems
.. I never knew about chilli oil on fingers. I was blind by the time Sue arrived, in absolute agony with ibflamed running eyes.
... The writers of cook books assume too much knowledge. Cooking the beans without overnight soaking - well, they made great marbles.

ah well.

Ian

Thank you, Edward! I don't have a heating pad, but I do have the electically heat sealed bags I can stuff hot, moist towels into. That might just work. Thank goodness the family is not up yet. My sailing the turkey around the sink in fresh hot water, and quietly singing, "Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate's life for me!" might have been taken the wrong way It's not in the DSM IV TR though, so I figure I'm fine *twitch*

I don't think it will rotate in there, but it is thawed enough at the moment, where I think I can try shoving it in and see. It should stick very nicely to the sweet potatoes that just leaked all over the turn-tray LOL

I figure if I can get it where I can pull the innards out without cutting my fingers on the ice, that's progress!

.

...

I'll split this into two messages since it won't post.

Edward has proven himself to be the real Renaissance Man around here with the engine idea. Now that the bird is thawed enough to stuff and throw in the oven, I may go for the drive MINUS the bird though - sounded like a great idea LOL!

Dr. Bill can appreciate this no doubt. Three years ago yesterday, my mother's car was stolen at my office after work. My mother had Alzheimers and was in a home - she somehow decided I allowed it to be stolen and was furious. She had volunteered me to cook Thanksgiving Dinner for her entire facility the next day, and the search for the car put us at the supermarket at midnight getting the last woebegotten and VERY frozen turkeys they had left, plus some equally questionable veggies.

The delay in thawing the darned birds set us back several hours in cooking and despite staying up all night, I was 2 1/2 hrs. late to my mother's care factility by then. At that point, she had regaled the workers and patients with every example she could recall or make up of my inept cooking and lack of wifely skills - in addition to my being an idiot to get her car stolen.

(continued)

Being mad at me as my mother was, and wanting to always make an example of how her cooking was better than mine, by the time I delivered the food, I was faced with the Alzheimers' version of a Saturday Night Live skit on how inept I was. Everything was found wanting and that which was not TOO bad my mother proclaimed I must have bought at the store (not true).

My husband finally removed me from there on some flimsy pretext when he saw my fingers reflexively clenching in anger. I decided after that that it is never a good idea to cook for a home with dementia patients, particularly they find insults good fun.

The ironic upshot of this all is that three years to the day, yesterday, I was coming back from court across the county, when I found what is almost certain to be her stolen car after all this time! I took photos and got the information and notified law enforcement. Even if the turkey turns out horrible today, I finally found the car, although Mom is no longer here to enjoy either. Fate is strange sometimes. Finding the car has made this day a day for giving thanks indeed!

I cannot imagine trying to cook for a facility full of alzheimer patients.

imagine cooking for them and then forgetting where they were )

Local news has been reporting that you can cook a frozen bird directly (but how do you get the stuffing out?). They report that you just increase cooking time to 150% of recommended time for the size bird. However, you would definately want to use a meat thermometer to be sure inside was hot enough I'd think.

All ya'll have a good day. I'm off to work. (But today certainly pays well at least ).

roger

A few years ago, we had a bird that wasn't thawed by the time we wanted to start cooking. Hot water in sink was replaced quite a few times. Lifted the bird out of the sink and drained out water inside the bird as well as could be expected through a miniscule hole. Once the legs loosened up, hot water went inside the bird and that really sped up the thawing process. Only about an hour behind schedule.

Thanks, Cindi! The bird is still white as a sheet, but at least it's cooking now.

Last Thanksgiving my husband's family literally voted (I didn't have a vote) and they decided my husband and I were to host all family holidays at our house from then on out. This means between 17-35+ people over for Christmas for example. It's one thing that we got tagged with this, but then, to make themselves feel better, I guess, the female members of the family started this vicious lie that I loved cleaning and cooking for large crowds, and would be overjoyed to do this! Smoehow, it would have been better if they just said, "Hey, we're dumping on you and know you hate it, but we need to do this."

When you stop and consider that each one of the things I listed for Mary Kay as things that I've learned, have been actual experiences from past years, you get the idea that this may not be a good idea. Last year, my step-grandson pee'd like a mule on the carpet of the main staircase, causing my daughter to slip with the vacuum and fall down the stairs on her back. Then, he rounded it off by fingerpainting with his poop (his mom "exaggerated" that he was potty trained ) all over the white walls of my staircase as I took the first group on a tour of the house.

He followed that act up by drinking unattended glasses of wine when the adults weren't watching, and then he proceeded to heave two separate times in the middle of the kitchen during dinner, spewing in circles like a scene from the Exorcist. Yes, I have so much to look forward to again this year, as we will no doubt set a different record in what can go wrong!

.

Reminds me that I was usually asked to take the minutes of meetings because I was usually the only female there. Only happened once - I take terrible minutes.