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General discussion

Taking kids to college for the first time, how was it?

Sep 2, 2016 5:07PM PDT

I took my daughter to college for the first time today and was totally blindsided on what was supposed to happen next. I wasn't sure what to prepare for and not knowing what to expect the first day when you bring them to college. All I know is they are just as scared as you are. It's a new world for them and all I could do is let them know you are here to help and not just drop them off.

As parents this is where you have saved all your life financially to help them through school and now it's here. I would love to hear the experiences from other parents, how they prepared for this moment and all the feelings going through this first day. How was it for you and was it what you expected? Thank you in advance for sharing.

--Submitted by Joe B.

Discussion is locked

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Wrong Forum
Sep 2, 2016 6:59PM PDT

In what way is this a tech question? By the way what are the best dog training treats?

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Actually the CNET Lounge host a variety of discussions...
Sep 9, 2016 3:30PM PDT

including ones that are not Tech related. Happy If you hover over the "About this forum" it will read:

The CNET Lounge is a relaxed destination for you to discuss with your fellow members the latest happenings around tech hot topics, tech news, and tech products and gadgets found on CNET or around the Web. All topics beyond tech are welcomed as well, but please no religion or political discussions.

So if you want to talk about the best dog treat, you're welcome to do so--just start a new discussion. (BTW my dog loves Zuke's Mini Naturals Chicken Dog Treats)

Cheers!
-Lee

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As to your BTW ..
Sep 9, 2016 4:19PM PDT

My dog also likes Zuke's Treats but ...

... only their "Chewy" brand of Chicken Dog Treats. Silly

Just sharing .. Happy
Carol.

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Fair Enough
Sep 9, 2016 6:59PM PDT

That seems like a bad policy decision to me for this forum but so be it. I'll go elsewhere for tech discussions.

Thanks.

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check the subjects
Sep 10, 2016 5:56AM PDT

The tech discussions are usually pretty rudimentary and consist of straight forward advice to less technically adept, This is a topic on a lot of peoples minds this week, take a deep breath

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Gotta Love 'Em
Sep 10, 2016 5:20AM PDT

Don't want to PO anyone but I had to get in on this....

My dog likes "Prairie Dog - Smokehouse Jerky Country Chicken" treats Happy

Haven't seen the Zuke's brand here in the mid-west.

Cheers

Together Everyone Achieves More = T.E.A.M.

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dog treat/children dropoff
Sep 10, 2016 5:42AM PDT

Salmon jerky seems to get my dog's (and most other's) attention. Blue Ridge Naturals
Peanut butter/bacon is second (Purina product)
On children dropoff, it is traumatic to you and your child. My daughter called and face timed a week until she found friends, and then was happy as a lark. My son didn't bond with his first college location (which was the same as my daughter's college) but fit in when he changed schools. They are both a bit introverted, and for Brendan, his second school had some friends from high school that helped him adapt to the school quickly.
What you will find is that your child becomes who they are in college, not what you made them do. The hope is that you put a good foundation of values in place and they have the discipline to do what is necessary (grades, socialization and exercise).
The technology tie-in to this discussion is that you can search on Amazon (or whatever your shopping site) to either order dog treats or things that they forgot (except Brendan forgot his retainer). You can also use technology to video chat / text and stay in touch with your children.

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Lost A Little Respect For This Forum Today...
Sep 12, 2016 3:25PM PDT

So a discussion on hacking voter machines or electronic voter fraud would be off limits since it's political? What about proliferation and advancement of religious websites and the internet? What if those websites were non-Christian? ...Hmmm, bet I'm hitting a nerve, better take a breath.

I vote we go back to the same techie "puff-pieces" we're all used to reading here and leave the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" stuff for other forums... Oh, wait, we can't vote... that's political <sigh>

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Forum policies are there for all to see.
Sep 12, 2016 3:49PM PDT
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Totally Agree!!
Sep 12, 2016 3:11PM PDT

And the response from the admin was as lame.

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Know how to Adult
Sep 3, 2016 3:15PM PDT

They need a paper map showing all the buildings and facilities and the ability to read a map. Have paper schedule of classes, textbooks bought, supplies bought, etc. Know all the crucial dates on the calendar. How to drop and add a class.
Visit the Campus a couple of times before the first day. Know how to Adult. Or at the least the beginning steps of being independent.

Sorry, could write more, but when I went to school, I had already been married for 2 years and we both worked and came with our own savings. And we both went. We lived in Married, Student Housing, ie: an Apartment owned by the University. We had life skills and decent part time jobs. Not a lot of time to play around, though we did. Both of us graduated in the top 10% of our classes. I left with 2 Bachelors and the other with 1. All 3 were in STEM and as such we qualified for Grants, Scholarships and other "free" money. Borrowed little.

It was a sizable Campus at over 1600 acres, the number of students around 15,000+ and we walked everywhere. Center of Campus was 1.5 miles from home.

I just do not recall it being that tough or that much of a change from our regular jobs we had before going. Forgot, went back to University a few years back to take classes in Technology and not much has changed. Only change I was that some classes were very basic for University level classes. I dropped those and found more challenging ones.

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Let them succeed/fail and learn life lessons
Sep 3, 2016 7:15PM PDT

Do not know where or type of college attending. Assume it is large enough that it has residence halls or other living arrangements on campus by your statements. Find this statement curious: "As parents this is where you have saved all your life financially to help them through school", is this all you have done to help them prepare? Hope you are not one of those helicopter parents.

Disconnect from the financial part, that is now a sunk cost. It is going to be spent no matter what, correct? Be prepared to listen and give direction as to how to handle life's successes and failures. Teach them to be independent. How to troubleshoot problems on their own. To name a couple.

Prepare them for crappy and uncaring Instructors, huge classes, classes and labs taught by underpaid TA's. Will see this the most in the core classes, that all have to take before taking classes in their Major. Although some Major's sprinkle in a few classes at the start. Not to say there will not be good Professors and TA's, but need to be prepared for the bad.

Rereading you post, is it all about your feelings? Sorry cannot answer that. Suggest seeing a Counselor that is also versed as a Life Coach. Me? I was happy I had gotten them to that point in their life in their first step of independence and knew I had provided the basics to continue on the journey. They are still my kids and there were to be many more life experiences to share.

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Worst day of my life
Sep 10, 2016 5:04AM PDT

I was totally unprepared. My wife asked me if I could take our our youngest, our daughter to the small college, about an hour away from our home, because she could not get off work. Sure, no problem, my daughter is the light of my life, a kindred spirit. We communicate telepathically. She has always been my favorite. This will be fun, I thought.

We arrived mid morning, went to all the ceremonies, lunch on the quad with faculty and staff, then a few seminars for the new students, and another just for the parents, just to entertain us while they were lecturing the kids, I thought. I was wrong, They were lecturing US while entertaining the kids.

The Dean said there would be changes from this point forward, that this day was essentially a threshold to adulthood, and don't expect them to abide by any curfews or other previous rules when returning home for the weekend or semester break. Well, ok, I thought. Then he said "DO NOT arrive unannounced for a visit with your child. It will not end well for anyone." THAT got my attention, kind of. Well, ok, I thought.

We unloaded all of her clothes and little furnishings, computer, got everything arranged in her room, met the roommate and her parents. Then we walked out to the parking lot to say good bye. When I looked in the rear view mirror and saw her forlorn wave to me, it hit me; it was OVER. She would never ever be "my child" anymore. It was OVER. I had loved every minute of helping raising her, but it was over.

The road back home was too short. Way too short. I cried the whole way. And I still do whenever I think about it.

I'm happy to report that she is doing very well, she graduated from that school and went on to another and then, as they say, got her PhD one morning and her Mrs. that afternoon. She married a really amazing great guy and lives 7 hours away, works for the VA, and occasionally mentions the thought of grand kids. And she still asks for advice, but now she is my best friend.

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My daughter
Sep 10, 2016 6:36PM PDT

Is two and a half and I know already I will feel the exact same way. You sound like a great dad. Hope I will be the same and our girl will fare as well.

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it gets better
Sep 10, 2016 5:54AM PDT

Most of the schools do some sort of orientation and freshman activity. My daughters freshman year was at a small engineering school in upstate NY and none of the kids knew anyone other then people they had met at the summer orientation. We dropped her off and left, she went on a habitat for humanity gig for a couple of days. I dropped her off for her sophomore years last fall and the herd of freshman walking around in packs was pretty funny to watch, she and I got a laugh cause that was where she was a year before. This year I dropped her off at the airport for her semester abroad in Argentina at the University of Cordoba, now that was a little traumatic Happy but she has been there for 6 weeks and has another 9 weeks to go.

they grow up fast.

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Are these people for real?
Sep 10, 2016 9:19AM PDT

The title of the forum said 'College' in it, but the responses sounded more like people were talking about middle school children.

I've never had a parent take me to school beyond 6th grade. And I would have been fine with my mom coming to visit me at college, but not 'drop me off' and 'prepare me' for it. As it turned out my parents didn't come to my college anyway. I simply got on a plane and flew overseas, walked into the admin office and found out how to enroll and 7 years later I left with 3 degrees in hand, after I paid for college myself.

How old are these college students? I don't mean biological age... I mean emotional age?

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I hear you but
Sep 10, 2016 6:42PM PDT

Sure it sounds like people are coddled or immature and maybe some are. My experience was closer to yours but still hope to do more than I had for my kids. While keeping them grounded and aware of how fortunate they are.

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Taking kids to college for the first time.
Sep 11, 2016 4:46AM PDT

Guess I missed making my point. I was trying to say that really nothing has changed in a long time, the parting of the kids from the family for probably the longest time in their lives is tough on us all. No matter how busy they are making new friends etc, they still love you and need to hear from you even though they may try to show off how grown up they are by not communicating or for some other reason. They love you and need you to communicate with them for their support. They will have more difficulties if you don't. Their communications may not say it, but they still need you. Sorry I wasn't clear,

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taking kids to college the first time
Sep 10, 2016 9:26AM PDT

Mr Miller you are right, this isn't tech, BUT why can't the editor ask a question that concerns them?

When I went to college my dad took me and my 3/4 trunk to Grand Central, and got me on the train for Michigan. Had to change in Jackson Michigan to a local train and get to Holland Michigan, and ride a taxi to the home I was going to stay in.

Kids today are lucky to have their parents go with them to school, because you bet your bippy I was scared at 17 in 1949, going from my New York to Holland, Michigan,,,which might as well have been the one in Europe. Did not know the folks I was staying with, my roommate, or where the school was.

Most of my grandkids have a car before they get out of high school, and bring their nukes, PCs TVs , phones etc to their apartment or dorm room. They are still just as scared, and so are their parents.

Whether kids go to college, service, or just out of state it will always be scary. Keep in touch, you have skype, email, and if they do not call you call them. They are probably being hazed or running like mad at the new school, in Basic Training, or the new job. Packages and cookies are nice, but contact is more important.

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College has nice and scary sides
Sep 10, 2016 10:02AM PDT

There's over a week I dropped off my son. My daughter was first, four years ago now. The biggest worries initially were roommates and security on campus. Two different colleges, two slightly different realities. My daughter went to a private university, so she had a good room, only one roommate, air conditioning. But later we found that the neighborhood was very bad, and she ended up having friends that lived there and bars all over, so she was returning at night walking with friends frequently. Nothing ever happened, especially because police was always around, but unfortunately a girl was killed in one of the friends' house due to a robbery--I believe it was the only case in years. We had our share of scary callings, when we would talk with her until she got to her dorm. Other than that, everything went as smooth as possible, she graduated and has a great job. But she says that "you will see everything and all sorts of people, you just have to be smart and follow the right paths, there are plenty of them."

My son is still getting used to being away from home for the first time, and he's cramped in a room with two other roommates, no air conditioning. Not that bad, as there's plenty of places to go, it's a huge and beautiful campus. He moved in before others, as he registered for the marching band, but as he already played in a band for the whole HS time, he withdraw from the course when was asked to practice for a whole day in the scorching August sun--he already had registered for more courses than the advised, so I think that ended up being a good thing. He identified immediately with the first roommate he met, also in band and same major, but the second not so much. Let's see how that goes. He liked his classes so far, the only comment was that Math was too "mathy", not sure what else it could be...

As for the financial side, we never had the chance to save for college, we're immigrants and although I always had IT jobs and currently have a good job, my wife is an elementary school teacher and we've been living on our pay checks since I came to study computer science as an international student 20 years ago, when I was 35 and had a Civil Engineering BS degree, so already in the middle of the game... Therefore we had to fill the FAFSA and get loans for both. Despite all the scholarships, we'll be in deep debt when our side of my daughters' loan hits us in November, the first payment starting then, on top of paying a mortgage for the next 25 years. That's the scariest thing. It's an all-too-common story, and as I have mine, other people have their own struggles. Crossing my fingers that college costs and debt will get reduced somehow, because it doesn't make sense as things are, the burden on students and parents is too high.

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Be prepared for a traumatic experience
Sep 10, 2016 1:03PM PDT

It was many years ago when we took our first born son to college for the first time, about twenty five years to be exact and it was quite an experience for which we were not very well prepared. First off, carting his belongings up about nine flights of stairs and then seeing him go off to meet his new flatmates and neighbours with barely a backward glance.

But the most traumatic part was driving home without him and whatever you do, don't say to your spouse (as I foolishly did) something like "you do realise that he probably won't be living with us ever again". Well, the floodgates opened and engulfed us for quite a few minutes before we regained our equilibrium and could continue the fifty mile journey home.

Our son, of course, was fine and we got used to him being away for long periods, but also be prepared for the huge amount of financial assistance which you will happily provide and the large amount of dirty washing your offspring will bring back for the holidays !

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When your kid flies and you drive 2,200 miles.
Sep 10, 2016 3:53PM PDT

Our son was in marching band and had to report for band camp a week before the school move in day. So we sent him off by plane while his mother and I packed the rental van and drove a week later. I will say the band (and we had experience for many years at middle/high school level) was very well organized. From arranging for a Band Buddy to pick him up at the airport, to seeing he was settled in his room (not the same he would have when classes started). My wife and I had our own experience driving cross country and back. The only glitch was when our son got his permanent room and we thought ww had set it up appropriately for two. We were flagged down by the roommate's parents who arrived late and were informed the room needed to be completely redone. No problem. Kids always adapt better than their parents. I do wish we had stopped on the way back to see the World's Largest Prarie Dog. I think it was in Kansas?

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Going to college
Sep 11, 2016 4:54PM PDT

Now after son is done with college this past may and my daughter has two more years, I still miss my daughter very much being away. You keep reading incidents where students have weapons in school and someone gets hurt. Or the dorm is shutdown because of a break in. How about this at the college Of Brockport a cheerleaders boy friend broke in and killed her.
How do you handle that. Lets here what you folks think

Joe D.

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Three kids, ten good pity parties.
Sep 12, 2016 2:33AM PDT

My husband and I have tree kids. I cried at the first day of kindergarten for each, although we lived in a very small town and my husband walked them to school their first days and often. The next cry sessions came when our oldest son left for the Army. He got my additional crying when he called to say he was going to be shipped off to the Gulf War. He never actually went as the Gulf War ended the very next day! The next cry was when our second son went off to college, but he was near by and we could visit him (or he could visit us) nearly every weekend. We got to see all his events at college. Another huge cry came when dropping our daughter, the baby, off to college further away. We stayed over night in a motel a night before her dorm was ready. I cried the entire night long. Where had the time gone? I was surely not ready for this yet! The next three cries were not bad, it was at each of their weddings. By then I WAS ready for them to move on, still it was meaningful beyond belief. Yes, we drove them places, they didn't get cars until they could afford them, we wanted to do things for them, if only what we could afford, and they liked it too. Now we do the same for our young grand kids. You have people around only for a few years, make the most of it. I work on Ancestry . com and see how the many generations flew by, one after the other after the other. Scary! Now, for my area of expertise. . . be proactive and keep in touch (and tell your kids they must do so too) on-line and with school counselors about student loans if they need that, make sure you/they get a government student loan as they sometimes can be forgiven under certain circumstances. Bank loans are never forgiven. Get scholarships, grants and donations whenever at all possible - these do not have to be paid back! Anything that goes directly to the college is not taxable. If you get a check and put it in your bank account first, it could be taxed. Students should certainly thank the organizations for any scholarships received. Our oldest son got the GI Bill, the other two received MANY scholarships. Made life easier for us and them, especially as we were retiring by the time they got their MA degrees. Students can get deferments on student loans (watch the interest though), but . . . once they start paying their loans back, we liked the Income-Based Plan a lot. Currently, if your child paid something, anything, to attempt to pay off their loan, it can be forgiven after 20 years. So they will likely NOT still be paying off their loans while starting to pay off their own kid's student loans. They probably have to pay taxes on that pay off however. Yep . . . such is life! Good luck.