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Sometimes I get inmail junk worth reading for a chuckle.......the 'male end'...

by John Robie / April 23, 2004 7:12 AM PDT

We always hear "the rules"
from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never goi! ng to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant th! e other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine...Really.

1.! Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

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NT-Good stuff-What about TP over or under?
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Dont be insane. Over, of course! -nt
by Dan McC / April 23, 2004 8:36 AM PDT
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Under usually flips back couple sheets against the wall collecting germs......;-) (nt)
by John Robie / April 23, 2004 8:49 AM PDT


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Off the roller, sitting on the back of the toilet. Defend that territory against all bottled crap women want to stick there.
by James Denison / April 23, 2004 9:49 AM PDT

Eventually you'll get to keep a roll there, but have to move all the bottles to access it.

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Agreed, James! I'm a new convert. Just never knew any better.

Master "The Four Finger - Sheet & 1/4 - Spread" and you'll never go back!

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Thaaaaats the spirit! nt


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Re:Off the roller, sitting on the back of the toilet. Defend that territory against all bottled crap women want to stick there.

And then it will fall on the floor and you'll have to tear off all those top sheets and eventually the space will be reclaimed anyway and you knew that would happen all along didn't you? Happy

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What actually happens is;

...someone manages to move it from there over to the sink top for some strange reason (blot lipstick? cold cream? other?) and sets it down in a wet spot which means it has to dry out or you get to do a "wet 'n wipe" the next time.

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Re:Sometimes I get inmail junk worth reading for a chuckle.......the 'male end'...

You said it John, not me, junk mail :-). Sorry i couldn't resist. I'm a typical woman, I want the last word

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Re:Sometimes I get inmail junk worth reading for a chuckle.......the 'male end'...

I thought that was pretty good John, I liked it.
Printed it out and gave it to the Wife. What a mistake that was.


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Re:Re:Sometimes I get inmail junk worth reading for a chuckle.......the 'male end'...

So we can assume you're camping out tonight George? Happy

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Re:Re:Re:Sometimes I get Lucky

Hi Sasha;

She got over it pretty quick, I hope. I'll get some flowers today and send the bill to John. Wink

Saw this in the paper this morning and wonder how this guy made out.

I drove up to New Hampshire last week.
It was a 75 mile argument all the way.
I didn't help to calm the waters, when I
saw a Mule grazing in the field.

I asked my Wife "One of your Relatives?"
She snapped right back with,
"Yes Dear, By Marriage"


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Re:just a couple of questions

is #1 100% true?
is #1 correct on ALL occasions
is #1 in direct opposition to #1
and last but not least #1,#1,#1 and of course #1 will NEVER be accepted as grounds for divorce!


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I for 1 will agree.......lol...(nt)
by John Robie / April 24, 2004 9:46 AM PDT


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(NT) OH you love to live dangerously......................
by Roger NC / April 25, 2004 1:46 PM PDT


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Re:The definitive answer. . .
by Sasha Tee / April 25, 2004 1:51 PM PDT

There's a movie made from that article. It's called the Stepford Wives Part 2

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