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Old Repeat Joke

by TONI H / March 4, 2005 9:49 PM PST

Tips for a Northerner moving South:

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic.Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

Do not buy food at the movie store.

If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.

Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

People walk slower here.

Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.

If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.

Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.

Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far moreYankees than Southerners living there.

In southern churches you will here the hymn, All Glory, Laud and Honor. You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy","Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".

As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.


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(NT) (NT) you,all come back ya hear:)
by Mark5019 / March 4, 2005 10:07 PM PST
In reply to: Old Repeat Joke
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(NT) (NT) Don't fergit to cut off the lights..:-)
by Steven Haninger / March 4, 2005 10:28 PM PST
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LOL :-)
by Cindi Haynes / March 5, 2005 1:55 AM PST

Yep, Southerners "cut off" lights and "mash" buttons. they wheel "buggys" around supermarkets put purchases in "sacks" or "pokes", and eat "dinner" at lunchtime. "Do you want to move on with this?" indicates it's time to settle up at the cash register. They "might could", "might should", and "might would". And they're nearly always "fixin" to get to something "tarectly".

I love it down here!

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Do you remember (or still see) this?
by Steven Haninger / March 5, 2005 2:22 AM PST
In reply to: LOL :-)

Years ago we'd travel from Ohio down through the Carolinas on the way to the beaches. We had to learn that folks there drove a bit differently. We'd be the last car in a slow line of traffic and suddenly see all the cars ahead put on their turn signals. Great! I thought. Well be moving again soon!.. WRONG!!.. because only the car in the front of the pack would turn. What the heck?!? I later learned this was some sort of southern courtesy. When the "lead car" turned on it's signal, all the cars behind would do the same just so everyone knew to slow down because someone ahead was planning to turn. How polite!:) The other thing I remember was how cars would pull out of side roads without regard to oncoming traffic. It seemed the rule was, if there was room for the other traffic to brake, there was no need to wait...just pull on out! These folks had to be a trusting bunch.:)

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i remember when i was 17
by Mark5019 / March 5, 2005 2:42 AM PST

my mom and i drove down to ga and as im tooling on down the rd i see these blue lights come on behind me, i pull over so it can pass me:D well in the north cops use red lights rescue uses blue i waved my hand as to hey pass me lool when he hit the siren i pulled over.
and heard boooy didnt you see me? and as i explained to him why i didnt pull over (4 lanes 2 each way) he said ok licesence and regestration. my mom asked him after why pulled me over he said i looked young:D

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Emergency vehicle sirens
by Steven Haninger / March 5, 2005 3:04 AM PST

For most kids up here, being able to hear the police siren means their car audio system needs an upgrade.;)

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Sweet memories
by TONI H / March 5, 2005 3:11 AM PST

Derek was constantly upgrading his speaker system in the truck (ripped out the extended backseat and brought it into the house for when we finally sold the truck last year) to make room for bolted down thunder competitor type speakers and amplifier.

I would sit and worry every night when he was out 'tooling around' until the window started rattling and I knew he was within a half mile of the house around a bend somewhere. When the doors would start shaking I knew he was at the road end of the driveway and home safe. LOL


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My first stereo as a "kid"
by Steven Haninger / March 5, 2005 3:27 AM PST
In reply to: Sweet memories

in the '60s was one I made. It was a Heathkit tube type amp, a Gerrard turntable and had 12" woofers. Until I could afford wood to make cabinets I used the boxes the speakers came in as enclosures and just cut holes in them. My amp put out a whopping 14 watts per channel! My parents were sure I'd be deaf within a year. I'd think the systems you describe such as in your sons truck would do more than deafen....more like puree your innards.;)

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I couldn't sit in the pickup
by TONI H / March 5, 2005 3:31 AM PST

because the vibration from the speakers behind the seat kept throwing me forward in the seat....my back felt like it was a rubber band constantly.

I kept getting visions of the stereo commercial where the guy is sitting in the chair with the scarf on his neck and his hair flowing straight out behind him......


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(NT) (NT) lol
by Mark5019 / March 5, 2005 3:44 AM PST
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that sounds likw my harley
by Mark5019 / March 5, 2005 3:45 AM PST
In reply to: Sweet memories

straight pipes you heard me a mile away:D

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(NT) (NT) thats true now :)
by Mark5019 / March 5, 2005 3:43 AM PST
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Some of it.
by Cindi Haynes / March 5, 2005 2:49 AM PST

I haven't seen the lead car/blinker thing, but Greg recalls it. He said it used to be in the driving manuals around here. I have seen people pull out and trust a whole line of traffic to brake!

Other things that I've learned (since the roads are hilly and curvy) is that if someone flashes their lights at you coming from the opposite direction, you'd better slow down because there's sure to be a cop or a wreck ahead.

Also, people who steer with one hand on top of the steering wheel will raise a finger or a few (NOT just the middle one-LOL) to wave hi as you go by. Mostly this is older guys in pickup trucks, but I've adopted the habit in my Intrepid. Wink

Friendly and courteous, even if it's confusing sometimes!

It's also a state law here that if you're using your windshield wipers, your headlights also must be turned on. I drive with my lights on day or night anyway.

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(NT) (NT) and here 2 very good idea
by Mark5019 / March 5, 2005 2:57 AM PST
In reply to: Some of it.
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It's also a cutstom down here
by Jerry562 / March 5, 2005 6:34 PM PST

to drive your pickin' up truck real slow (like a tractor) when you are on a two lane road and the traffic can't pass you. It also conserves gasoline so you can 'floor it' when you get to a passing zone or a four laned road;-)

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My personal favorites
by TONI H / March 5, 2005 3:06 AM PST
In reply to: LOL :-)

"I didn't like it(her/him) too damn pretty good"


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They didn't mention the habit of adding syllables to words
by EdH / March 4, 2005 10:33 PM PST
In reply to: Old Repeat Joke

For instance, to a Northerner "tuna" is two sylables, but in the Shouth it can be three or more:"tee-yoooon-aaah"

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What words...what syllables?
by TONI H / March 4, 2005 11:07 PM PST

They all speak in letters....

C D E D B D ducks????


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Or you make up the sound
by Jerry562 / March 5, 2005 6:37 PM PST

of a word you don't know how to say. My neighbor installs 'cow-yums' on the porch to hold up the overhang.

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This Joke reminds of the good old days when
by Rolway / March 5, 2005 3:22 AM PST
In reply to: Old Repeat Joke

I was in the Newport News Area and parts of NC. Had a lot of fun trying to hold a serious conversation between you'alls without laughing. Tried to imitate them many times but got pegged everytime.

Being a yankee, those from LA and MS was real desperation to try and figure out what the heck they were talking about when placing orders. Love the music down there though.


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Southern suppers
by Steven Haninger / March 5, 2005 3:45 AM PST
In reply to: Old Repeat Joke

My favorite when we lived in Salisbury N.C. was ham beans and corn pone (made with mollases). Yum! My mother was a southern preachers daughter and her accent always seemed to thicken when we visited down there. We "chillen" would sit around amused by the way these folks talked in the parlor (translation...living room).:)

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(NT) (NT) "You know you're a Redneck when...."
by Ziks511 / March 5, 2005 2:48 PM PST
In reply to: Old Repeat Joke
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Another? - Fix the outhouse
by crowsfoot / March 5, 2005 5:19 PM PST
In reply to: Old Repeat Joke

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out...."Pa! You
need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
So......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma!
There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! "
Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"
Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back,
"Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma!
Dag Nabit! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies, "Hurt's, don't it ?!"

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