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Lwayer jokes

Subject: Lawyer jokes

The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps.
They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.

What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
Skeet!

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your honor.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.

What does a lawyer use for birth control?
His personality.

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig just won't do.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wing tips.

Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.

What do you have when you've got 50 lawyers buried in sand up to their chins?
Not enough sand.






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(NT) (NT) LOL! Good ones:)

In reply to: Lwayer jokes

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Some more...

In reply to: Lwayer jokes

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: How do you save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: The gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get your finger between the rope and his neck.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a carp?
A: One is a cold blooded bottom dwelling scavenger and the other is a fish.

Q: What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
A: God doesn't think He's a lawyer.

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(NT) (NT) lol lol

In reply to: Some more...

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Hmmmmmmm

In reply to: Lwayer jokes

Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.

And you are visiting BOTH in the coming months??? Devil
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yes

In reply to: Hmmmmmmm

and im a yankee

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