NT
This blonde cop pulls this blonde female driver over for speeding. When he approches the car he asks her for her drivers licence. She fumbles around through her purse and the cop says, it's the one with your picture on it. She opens a compact and looks at herself in the mirror and says, Oh, here it is and hands it to the cop. The cop opens it, looks in it and says....you should have told me you were an officer of the law, I would have let you go right away.
Another cop got out of his car & the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
A man goes into a restaurant with his wife. The waiter approaches the table and asks for their order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," the man says. "But sir, what about the mad cow?!" asks the waiter. "Oh," answers the man, "she'll order for herself."
~~~~~~ Got Milk ~~~~~~
The 98 year old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered
around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.
They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused. Then one of the nuns
took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey
received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous
amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank
a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the
whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before
you die."
She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "Don't
sell that cow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Gift
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house." The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600." The fourth said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read it anymore because she can't see very well. I met this priest who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty priests 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it.
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:
"Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you give me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

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