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Lets get drunk and go to heaven ...

by Bill Osler / December 30, 2010 8:16 PM PST

I hope my patients do not share these sentiments, but I still find them amusing.

Drinkers Say the Darndest Things
"When we drink, we get drunk;
When we get drunk, we fall asleep;
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin;
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven;
So let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
-- Old Irish Toast

There were several on that page that I found amusing.

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St. Peter's Gate
by Willy / December 30, 2010 10:36 PM PST

I know I'm in the book, because I studied for the test. You know, the "sobriety test". Well, you failed that one. Yeah, but I thought you guys graded on a curve. Come'on for Pete's sake, let me in and the pink elephant too, it gets lonely w/o me. -----Willy Happy

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Irish toasts and blessings are some of both
by Steven Haninger / December 30, 2010 10:44 PM PST
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Scottish toasts and modern songs
by Ziks511 / December 31, 2010 11:14 AM PST

"Here's tae us,
Wha's like us? [Who is like us?]
"Aye, and they're a' deid"

A darker toast than the others, but redolent of the insularity of Celtic peoples.

Song following urban renewal in Glasgow.

"Oh ye cannae throw a piece [of bread, for a snack]
Oot a twenty storey flat
Seven hundred cryin' wains[small children, wee'uns]
'll testify tae that.
If the bread is fresh or mouldy
If the bread is plain or panned [toasted in a frying pan]
The odds against it reaching airth [earth]
Are 99 to wan."

"May ye be in heaven afore the de'il knows yeer deid" [deid = dead]
said by the Irish too.

I want some coffee,
Some Cooperative coffe,
Thhough ye cannae get near if
for the smell.
If ye try it wi' some cream in
Ye'll hear the cream a-screamin'
Mairy ma Scots Bluebell.

I want some breed [bread]
Some Cooperative breed,
Though ye cannae get near it
For the smell.
If ye try it wi' some bu'er [butter]
Ye'll hear the bu'er mu'er {mutter]
Mairy ma Scots Bluebell.

"I'd like an angin {Onion]
A Cooperative angin,
Though ye cannae get near it
for the smell.
If ye try tae eat the angin
Ye'll hear the angin sangin' [singing]
Mairy ma Scots Bluebell."

The Cooperative Grocery Stores still exist, and their goods are less than wonderful, but okay, sort of like No Frills stores. Assuming they are called that in the US.

Then again there's Burns' Ode to a Haggis, about "this Monarch of the Pudding race"


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Funny thing about that first one ...
by Bill Osler / December 31, 2010 6:57 PM PST

An anglicized version showed up in a video game I tried to play once upon a time:

Here's to us!
Who's like us?
Damn few!
And they're all dead.

I never did finish that game. And it never made sense anyway. How does one get to an outdoor kingdom by unlocking the door at the bottom of a stairway?

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(NT) Better hope there are no DUI checkpoints on the way
by JP Bill / December 31, 2010 1:04 PM PST
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