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In the news....year 2034

by Mac McMullen / January 24, 2006 10:02 PM PST

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the 7th largest
country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States
crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in Bushra; the
AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as
Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off. Physicists estimate it will take at least 10
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over
by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 115; Cuban cigars can now
be imported legally.

President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to
$17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a
fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman
with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates
their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered
by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal
political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex
with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters having trouble with voting machines.

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