Speakeasy forum

General discussion

In our best interests


My Fellow Americans:

As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, then, our mission in Iraq is also complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

T he American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China..

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, ''darn tootin, and long overdue ''.

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

Discussion is locked
You are posting a reply to: In our best interests
The posting of advertisements, profanity, or personal attacks is prohibited. Please refer to our CNET Forums policies for details. All submitted content is subject to our Terms of Use.
Track this discussion and email me when there are updates

If you're asking for technical help, please be sure to include all your system info, including operating system, model number, and any other specifics related to the problem. Also please exercise your best judgment when posting in the forums--revealing personal information such as your e-mail address, telephone number, and address is not recommended.

You are reporting the following post: In our best interests
This post has been flagged and will be reviewed by our staff. Thank you for helping us maintain CNET's great community.
Sorry, there was a problem flagging this post. Please try again now or at a later time.
If you believe this post is offensive or violates the CNET Forums' Usage policies, you can report it below (this will not automatically remove the post). Once reported, our moderators will be notified and the post will be reviewed.
Collapse -
I wouldn't be surprised to

In reply to: In our best interests

hear our current president give that speech. There are so many factual errors that it would be right up his alley.


Collapse -
(NT) (NT) Going to France or Russia, Dan?

In reply to: I wouldn't be surprised to

Collapse -
(NT) (NT) I'll Pay For Your Ticket

In reply to: I wouldn't be surprised to

Collapse -
(NT) (NT) ...and what factual errors would those be, Dan?

In reply to: I wouldn't be surprised to

Collapse -
(NT) (NT) factual errors?

In reply to: I wouldn't be surprised to

Collapse -
This is a post that

In reply to: In our best interests

should be sent to President Bush, Maybe it would be an idea he would implement! All for it! Good post Del!

Collapse -
and durban and his followers can join with france

In reply to: This is a post that

germany and the other cowards of there kind

Collapse -
(NT) (NT) works for me

In reply to: In our best interests

Collapse -
Here's companion information: Did you know:

In reply to: In our best interests

Did you know that 47 countries have re-established
their embassies in Iraq?

Did you know that the Iraqi government employs 1.2
million Iraqi people?

Did you know that 3100 schools have been renovated,
364 schools are under rehabilitation, 263 schools are
now under construction and 38 new schools have been
built in Iraq?

Did you know that Iraq's higher educational structure
consists of 20 Universities, 46 Institutes or colleges
and 4 research centers?

Did you know that 25 Iraq students departed for the
United States in January 2004 for the re-established
Fulbright program?

Did you know that the Iraqi Navy is operational? They
have 5- 100-foot patrol craft, 34 smaller vessels and
a naval infantry regiment.

Did you know that Iraq's Air Force consists of three
operational squadrons, 9 reconnaissance and 3 US C-130
transport aircraft which operate day and night, and
will soon add 16 UH-1 helicopters and 4 bell jet

Did you know that Iraq has a counter-terrorist unit
and a Commando Battalion?

Did you know that the Iraqi Police Service has over
55,000 fully trained and equipped police officers?

Did you know that there are 5 Police Academies in Iraq
that produce over 3500 new officers each 8 weeks?

Did you know there are more than 1100 building
projects going on in Iraq? They include 364 schools,
67 public clinics, 15 hospitals, 83 railroad stations,
22 oil facilities, 93 water facilities and 69
electrical facilities.

Did you know that 96% of Iraqi children under the age
of 5 have received the first 2 series of polio

Did you know that 4.3 million Iraqi children were
enrolled in primary school by mid October?

Did you know that there are 1,192,000 cell phone
subscribers in Iraq and phone use has gone up 158%?

Did you know that Iraq has an independent media that
consist of 75 radio stations, 180 newspapers and 10
television stations?

Did you know that the Baghdad Stock Exchange opened in
June of 2004?

Did you know that 2 candidates in the Iraqi
presidential election had a recent televised debate



Because a Bush- hating media and Democratic Party
would rather see the world blow up than lose their

Instead of shouting these accomplishments from every
rooftop, they would rather show photo's of what a few
perverted malcontent soldiers have done in prisons in
many cases never disclosing the circumstances
surrounding the events.

Instead of showing our love for our country, we get
photos of flag burning incidents at Abu Ghraib and
people throwing snowballs at presidential motorcades.

The lack of accentuating the positive in Iraq serves
only one purpose. It undermines the world's perception
of the United States and our soldiers.


This is verifiable on the Department of Defense web site.

Collapse -
This one I knew about

In reply to: Here's companion information: Did you know:

>>>>Did you know that the Iraqi Navy is operational? They have 5- 100-foot patrol craft, 34 smaller vessels and a naval infantry regiment.>>>>>

Because most of what the US Navy is doing there is training the Iraqi Navy with newer technology....and what Derek and his ship will be heading over there for next month in the rotation of ships.

There had been talk about sending some of the land-based personnel (teachers at Naval Military schools) with the same rank and rating and certification that Derek has would be deployed to land-duty in Iraq to train police/banks/military etc in the new technology as well, but so far nothing has been done about it. Since Derek is ship-based, he would be working with the Iraqi Navy right on their ships and piers rather than go inland.


Collapse -
(NT) (NT) I appreciate that, Jack.

In reply to: Here's companion information: Did you know:

Collapse -
Yes, actually cause I now visit the DOD website, thanks to

In reply to: Here's companion information: Did you know:

those like you who have posted information from it. While I don't agree with the [b}selective process that goes on in the news media, I don't think its some conspiracy against the President, or the UNited States. I've watched news stories that I have been close to emerge as unrecognizable mirages in the newspapers and TV, all in the race for ratings and an audience. Democrats in power hate the media as mucha as Republicans do. The media circus tore Jimmy Carter's presidency to tatters but let Reagan get away with Iran-Contra.


Collapse -

In reply to: In our best interests

Why does Spain get a pass? Remember they pulled out of Iraq.

We want to cut aid to Israel? That's a surprise.

Who ever wrote this has no idea what we spend in foreign aid or what we've spend in Iraq or both. Probably both.

ANWR could produce about 1.5 million barrel of oil per day. At its peak. Ten years after development start. Assuming the highest estimates are true. That's well under 10% of current US consumption. Who ever wrote this doesn't know anything about ANWR or US oil use, or both. Probably both.


PS: On the upside, there are versions of this diatribe on the web that are even lest reality based than this one.

Collapse -
at least they were there dan

In reply to: OK

canada gernamy, russia to name a few werent there
some were just in saddams pockets

Collapse -
How many Israeli or Spanish soldiers, Mark?

In reply to: at least they were there dan

Actually I think there were Spanish soldiers there, but Israel, wouldn't they generate more ill feeling than help? (And I'm pro-Israel and anti Terrorist for the record.)


Collapse -
To add....

In reply to: In our best interests

(in the style and tone of the ''speech'')

I would also like to thank the members of Congress of my own majority party. I don't have to run for re- election, but they do. So they have started to distance themselves from me. So I thank them because when my term ends, I'll be spending time at home and doing the things I want, as I won't be campaigning for them.

Speakeasy Moderator
click here to email

Collapse -
Total rubbish. First it says that other countries are not

In reply to: In our best interests

entitled to an independent foreign policy if they are beholden to the United States for foreign aid. When did the US become an empire and when did the rest of the world become its colonies. Even Britain allowed independent foreign policies to the more mature members of its Commonwealth viz Canada, Australia, India, Jamaica, etx.

Second, the total amount of Foreign Aid offered by the US would not come near to paying for the Iraq war. Although the 9 Billion that they seem to have lost there plus the overcharges by Halliburton might be a help.

The US has consistently been last or second last in Foreign Aid by percentage of GDP:
"USA?s aid, in terms of percentage of their GNP has almost always been lower than any other industrialized nation in the world, though paradoxically in the last four years, their dollar amount has been the highest. (Only in 2004 did they move up from last place to second last.)
"Since 1992, Japan had been the largest donor of aid, in terms of raw dollars. That was until 2001 when the United States reclaimed that position, a year that also saw Japan?s amount of aid drop by nearly 4 billion dollars (as tables and charts below will also show). "
In other words, France already outspends the US on Foreign aid as a percentage of its overall GDP.

There aint enough oil in the Arctic Natural Wildlife Refuge to run the US for more than a couple of years and even that isn't certain.
"Based on this study, BLM raised the probability distribution of field size in the 1002 area. BLM estimated a 46% chance of finding at least one economic field. If an economic field is found, the median estimate of recoverable oil is 3.57 billion barrels, with a 5% probability of finding a total of 10 billion bbl or more in the ANWR region."

46% is way over the incustry standard for recovery which,if memory serves,is more like 25%.

I assume Israel is on List 2, since they weren't part of the Coalition. They are the United States largest recipient of foreign aid. Good luck cutting them off and then getting re-elected, and what a gift to the Arabs you so despise. They'd last two weeks without US aid and re-supply.

Your post is childish and petulant as well as totally impractical.


Collapse -
It was not ...

....intended to be a news story, nor a history lesson. It was satire.

Perhaps it was written earlier in time, as well, and more recent events added.

Regardless, it needs to be taken as an opinion piece, which I found similar to some I have seen in The Guardian.

Speakeasy Moderator
click here to email

Collapse -
Depends on which side your sensa humor is on...

In reply to: It was not ...

I mean this is no worse than that cruddy fake John Cleese bit. Lighten up. There is a legit reason for some people's disgust and anger at the international poltroons.

Collapse -
(NT) (NT) And far more accurate than the stupid Terry Jones bilge

In reply to: Depends on which side your sensa humor is on...

Collapse -

In reply to: (NT) And far more accurate than the stupid Terry Jones bilge

Collapse -
No, actually it was factually wrong

In reply to: (NT) IYO

I shredded it but the thread (or my post)was deleted. However it was totally bogus from start to finish.

Collapse -
So's this "Satire" Totally bogus that is.

In reply to: No, actually it was factually wrong

It is such an American document. Full of pique, self-righteousness and misinformation. The rest of the world don't sit around cooking up problems for the US. It's just the "We're the Cops of the World, Boys" mentality that has infected this Administration that makes them present it that way.

Think of it this way, if some friend of yours was trying to accomplish a task (plumbing, say) and you came along and did that task to your satisfaction without asking him whether he wanted your help or how he wnated it done, how do you think your "help" would be received?


Collapse -
(NT) (NT) Eh?

In reply to: So's this "Satire" Totally bogus that is.

Collapse -
And phrases like 'international poltroons'

In reply to: Depends on which side your sensa humor is on...

certainly make us beloved abroad -- NOT!

-- Dave K, Speakeasy Moderator
click here to email semods4@yahoo.com

The opinions expressed above are my own,
and do not necessarily reflect those of CNET!

Collapse -
Ask me if I care

In reply to: And phrases like 'international poltroons'

Call a thing what it is.

Collapse -
thats the problem you worry more about the worlds opinion

In reply to: And phrases like 'international poltroons'

and less about out troops

wish you stood up and served.
wait thats never gonna happen

but no matter how the "worlds" opinion they allways come crawling to us for aid.

so screw them let the other countries give a hand out

Collapse -
wish you stood up and served

In reply to: thats the problem you worry more about the worlds opinion

Are your sons in the military?

Collapse -
Mark, served.......

In reply to: wish you stood up and served

His time in Viet Nam! Where did you serve?

Collapse -
better yet were did

In reply to: Mark, served.......

our pc crowd serve?
and the tennis courts dont count.nor jury duty.

seems the ones who didnt serve most vocal on how to fight.

Popular Forums

Computer Newbies 10,686 discussions
Computer Help 54,365 discussions
Laptops 21,181 discussions
Networking & Wireless 16,313 discussions
Phones 17,137 discussions
Security 31,287 discussions
TVs & Home Theaters 22,101 discussions
Windows 7 8,164 discussions
Windows 10 2,657 discussions


Sublime suburban chariot

High on style and technology, the 2019 Volvo XC90 is an incredibly satisfying everyday crossover.