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i want to do something with my life!!!

by kin3200 / May 10, 2008 4:55 AM PDT

the blissful yet happy age of childhood; i had many friends, we chased one another under the burning sunlight in the poorest slums of the city, life was always a challenge yet ppl were satisfied with what they have and treat one another like family, and i got alot of positive inspiration and motivation to do everything i can to ensure my childhood won't be wasted, and lived it to the fullest i did, those years i'll forever remember as the best time in life where i lived it to the fullest.

when my parents started moving between countries i followed them like a rotting walking corpse, i lost my passion for everything that is in life, i stopped caring about making friends because "i'll be leaving soon anyways" eventually i grew distant from society, and lead myself to a horrible and lonely exsistance that lasted for 7 years, where the only thing i thought about was when my parents will leave with me again or how long are we going to stay in this country this time....etc, my exsistance was nothing more than waiting for the next place to come and the next time we moved, the term "home" is now somewhat of a myth to me as i've never lived anywhere for a longer duration of 3 months for the past 7 years; moving around that much nurtured me into a lonely being where it wouldn't matter weather i accomplished anything or not, becuase even if i try all it takes is one airplane trip to erase it all away. i've spent so much time with nobody but myself that i eventually lost all knowledge in socialization hence i've never had someone i could talk to for quite a while, no matter which country's school i go to i'd always sat staring at the sky wondering when i'll be leaving again, so there was no point in participating in anything, as i thought there wouldn't be a point.

and so the best years of my life passes by, i'm now 21 years old, and these 7 years i've wasted, sitting in my home or wondering aimlessly in the streets loathing everything that is in life, hating everything in my life that is imperfect. never once did i attempted to do something with my life to turn it around, all i did was vent my anger towards everything that is infront of me while telling myself "no point i'll be leaving soon anyways." at this point something happened and i did alot of growing up the hard way, and i realized finally what old wise man meant when he said "if you don't do anything when you're still young you're going to regret it!" back then i shrugged these frequent comments off without a thought, but now when i think about what i really have done for these past years i felt a surge of guilt bolting upwards to my head knocking me into tears day after day, night after nigh and i'd wake up in the middle of the night sobbing about my pathetic exsistance and wishing i could just die and be free this instant; i really have done nothing with my life and as a result, my life is nothing. everything was wasted and can never come back.

i don't want to die with this knowledge in mind.

so now, i want to do something, and so i ran towards a community center and looked for volunteer work, surprisingly there were only a few jobs available for the non-social worker individual and they're the heavy equipment setup for the charity concert and the "big bro for kids" thing. the problem is that i'm a skinny klutz who trips and falls and stumbles tn a feather on the ground, i don't know if i can lift anything at all and the last thing i want is to be a bother to the folks, as for the big bro thing; i can't imagine tasked with such a huge responsibility when i couldn't even take care of myself properly. with volunteer out of the question due to my inability to do anything i decided to atleast find something to DO insted of sitting in front of my pc, but with my broken/crippled socialization skills (eg: i couldn't talk to a childhood who genuinely cared about me, i couldn't even properly talked to a very nice guy in college who was very friendly to me without my mind going blank at the critical moment) and it didn't help when all i see are "youth summer camp" stuff at the ymca center which i'm clearly too old to participate, or another "be a big bro, help a kid" thing which i'm too incompetent to do, heck i can't even drive! i just want to do something constructive, maybe even repair that crippled social skills of mine, but it doesn't matter, i just want to do SOMETHING!

so i need to do something, i want to do something with my life...what should i do? T_T

thak you very much!

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Without putting you completely down
by dinox64 / May 10, 2008 7:17 AM PDT

Or in other words,I'll let you down lightly. You are no different than 90% of kids your age. Matter of fact, than 80% of kids more than ten years your senior. Kids which includes 15-36 have no direction but to let mom and dad continue to support them. Being or growing up poor is no excuse. Poor people always seem content because they're not working for what they have. It's given to them in the form of section 8 housing, WIC, foodstamps, welfare, medicaid and all the other social services our country provides by means of others working hard to afford the same nesseccities in life. In order to get somewhere, you first need a command of the english laguage, written and orally.
Second you need to stop making excuses of why you can't do something. If you manage to get yourself around, you can help move and setup displays as you described. As a volunteer, they should and will be happy to have any help you may offer. Counting on you putting in 100% and you not acting as though you've done all you can. That's called laziness. A person in your position would be a good candidate for the military. They will teach you dissapline, motivation and ad direction to your life.
If you paid attention when in school, this country went through a time that was called the great depression. Through that is where some pulled themselves up by their boot straps and did what it took to create a life for them and a future for their families. Then there were those that sat back and now blame everything on their past and why they're where they are now. They got on the government dole and that's where they stayed. Not just them but now it's their great grandchildren on it.
Stop with the excuses and step up to adulthood and manhood, make your parents proud and become a productive citizen of the country you're lucky to be part of.

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An effective, though unpopular, route
by drpruner / May 10, 2008 7:52 AM PDT

to feeling useful is here:

"The conclusion of the matter, everything having been heard, is: Fear the [true] God and keep his commandments. For this is the whole [obligation] of man." (Ec 12:13)

Here's a starting point:

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Well, I think you are doing it now.
by Angeline Booher / May 10, 2008 8:38 AM PDT

Creative writing.

At least somewhere along the way you have earned enough money to have your own PC, and benefitted from a decent education.

It would be illuminating to know why your parents "moved from country to country every three months", or is that to be left to the reader? (Running from the law, or living the gypsy life, for instance?) Some youngsters might have found new horizons exciting. But there may be more to the story that explains the black mood.

At age 21 you have just begun to enter adulthood. The past is behind you. That book is closed. Your are entering the best years of your life.

Your first step is to know that you are important.

There are many ways to make positive contributions.




Volunteering to teach adults who cannot read how to read.

Volunteering to read to children or seniors in hospitals

Volunteering to walking dogs at animal shelters

Training to answer the phone at a crisis center.

These are just a few suggestions. None of them take phsical strength. Just caring.

Speakeasy Moderator

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by kin3200 / May 10, 2008 9:50 AM PDT

to post above:
about the moving around bit, simply put my parents need to travel for their own reasons (not being stalked or anything), so from a young age i've been moving from one country to another, technically for around 11 years i've never lived in a place for period of no longer than months, occasionally i would get to stay in one country for one year, but never had i actually stayed longer than that in any place on earth; in short it's alway hotel to hotel, rental apartment to rental apartment, sometimes i'm in a western country, sometimes i'm in the poorest slums of a city in asia, even so no matter how many times i move i'd always make a lot of friends in the many schools i went to, though the end result is always a sad goodbye before i can even get to know them better, then it's the same cycle repeating itself; move to country go to new school, move to another country go to another new school....stay for a month, 2 months, half a year, maximum one year, moving to different place in the same country, then moving to another country again again and again...

gradually i lost interests and passion on alot of the things i used to love doing, i ride a place trip on avarge twice or three times a year for these past 11 years except recently where i finally get to stay at a country for 4 years, but technically i have been traveling for as long as i remember. though it is a country i loathed very much but before that, never had i actually had a chance to called anywhere i go "home" to me, time is something that doesn't exist but loops continuously to no end, i saw no meaning in my life, and i kept on losing my friends everytime we move, i'm always the new guy no matter how many years it's been, i'm getting new addresses every month/year, i've lost count on the number of telephone numbers i've had.

to post number 2:
i'm always dragging luggages because i have to, not that i'd like to cling onto my parents, but would anyone have the guts to ditch them after they bring you to a country you're not familiar with? and about paying attention in class about the american
depression; even if i don't i'd get lots of chances to anyways, as i'll be moving to another school soon, then another....then another....and even now my parents would desire me to continue moving with them, it was only 5 months ago i posted here at cnet from an asia country, and now i'm in a western one, and soon in 3 months my parents would like to take me back to asia again, and soon problely after maybe some time we'll come back afterwards, as we did for the past 11 years. the cycle never ended, not even until now.

all along, i did presented myself as an lazy person who makes excuses because i'm lazy, which to some extent you're quite correct, however i believed my laziness attitude is something that was brewed during the course of my constant partings with everything i've ever set my eyes on, (eg: i love friends and from my first post my childhood was an era where i worked to fullfill all my goals, i accomplished things that put a smile to my face, including the friendship of all my friends whom i'm proud to be a part of.) but when you're pressed into a predicament where no matter how productive or positive you are, when your entire life keeps looping and looping and everything you accomplished is always lost, taken away, and left behind when you moved, would you began to sulk? when you kept getting up and you kept knocking down for so many times that's it can't even be considered "lessons in life" but "torture", at this point would you lose the motivation to get back up to your feet? would you slack?

right now, despite knowing the cycle will repeat itself again, i've managed to ignite a small spark to my long dead heart, the passion to do something, even if in a short while i'll have to ride a plane away from here again and losing a few friends i've just made in a college i've just registered (which is fine really) i still want to do something before i go.

and so if i won't be considered a bother to the volunteers who are setting up the charity concert then i'll do it for sure! i'm still saying no to the big bro program because i'm definitely not a positive influence on the kids.

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Our ears are burning to learn
by dinox64 / May 10, 2008 10:56 AM PDT
In reply to: well...

The reason and also the ability to flit from country to country. I don't know your culture. But I would think in almost all cultures you have reached maturity. This just maybe the time you kiss your parents good bye until you join them or they return which sounds like they'll do sometime in the future. So you'll be here waiting for them when they do. And if you(well you should) find a job, they'll be able to stay with you in your home and save the money(unless they don't pay anyways thus the reason of fleeing constantly). Do I seem a little on the negetive side? It's because I see too much of that stuff everyday. Now it's your time to start your life and on the right foot foward to become part of a society. As bad as every other country says it is here they sure seem to all want to come here. I don't mind but please be productive. Volunteering usually turns into some kind of paying job. You say you're going to school? Make it worthwhile.

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by kin3200 / May 10, 2008 11:09 AM PDT

i understand what you're saying about me finding a job and they stop moving, and i have tried all my life to get them to stop moving, it never worked because in the end, i only have my reason which is the longing for a home, and they have all the reason in the universe to travel.

they make the decision, i don't have the power to object. not until they let me, unless i want to end up on the streets in my bid for freedom, then i'm as good as dead.

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Sounds like it's time to break away
by Steven Haninger / May 10, 2008 11:14 AM PDT

from the security of having someone else provide for you and doing so yourself. That's not an easy task and always avoidable for one more day...and one day after that...and another..and another...while you wait for opportunity to fall into your lap. That doesn't always happen. It's never too late to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life but it's always to late to decide what to do yesterday.
There are some folks that just don't do well in a formal education environment and there are alternatives. Maybe you do have a passion or a skill that just needs to be honed and nurtured and it takes someone who believes in you to take you under their wing and teach you. These are generally called apprenticeships...or something similar. Many trades don't value higher education at the entry level so your bad grades in school might not hurt you. Many technology positions are specialized and aren't learned at the universities. You've got to show someone what you can can and what you'd like to learn and get their trust. If you can get established this way first, you can pursue a degree later on and often get help from your employer to do so.
But deciding to make that break toward independence is going to be essential. Sure, it's scary but it sounds as if your personal self worth would benefit greatly so it's time to get started. You might have to knock on some doors and meet with some rejections but that's part of life's game. Good luck to you and keep in touch.

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Just curious
by Dragon / May 10, 2008 12:30 PM PDT

What do your parents do for a living?
What country are you in, now?

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by kin3200 / May 10, 2008 2:57 PM PDT
In reply to: Just curious

my parents have their reasons, i'm currently in canada

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Can't help but wonder if you're
by Steven Haninger / May 11, 2008 1:06 AM PDT
In reply to: k

indicating that their might be legal complications involved and that your own citizenship is part of the dilemma. If this is the case, it shouldn't be unresolvable in a clean and neat fashion as long as you've not, yourself, participated in any activity that could come back to haunt.

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A couple of things
by Dragon / May 13, 2008 12:13 AM PDT
In reply to: k

I was just rereading your initial post:
i realized finally what old wise man meant when he said "if you don't do anything when you're still young you're going to regret it!" back then i shrugged these frequent comments off without a thought, but now when i think about what i really have done for these past years i felt a surge of guilt bolting upwards to my head knocking me into tears day after day, night after night...he problem is that i'm a skinny klutz who trips and falls and stumbles tn a feather on the ground, i don't know if i can lift anything at all

You are still very young. And to help fix things, you could learn karate and go to a gym, wherever you go. Tell your karate teacher and the guy at the gym your problem not being strong and not having a good sense of balance and that you want to do something about it. Privately, tell your karate teacher you move around a lot and that you aren't really a "people person" because you've moved around so much. Maybe he can facilitate things in that direction. If you move six months from now, take it up there. Also, learn to drive.

At any rate, your parents cannot tell you what to do or not do at your age.

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First, get over yourself and quit feeling sorry for yourself
by Diana Forum moderator / May 11, 2008 12:12 AM PDT

I was a military kid and went to 13 different schools in my first six years of school. I still don't make long-term friends easily but I am very close to my far-flung extended family. I also do have a few very good friends. I keep up with all of them by phone and e-mail. I love them all deeply and wouldn't trade my life for anyone else. I would have done a few things differently but who wouldn't. I learned a lot of different cultures and peoples and embraced them all.

I finally settled down to raise my kids and I think they know everyone their age in town. They wish we had moved around more so they could have seen more things.

Instead of thinking "Poor me", think how exciting your life is and learn everything you can about where you are. With unlimited phone service and e-mail, you can keep in touch with friends you make all over the world.


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by JP Bill / May 11, 2008 12:30 AM PDT

Choose a place you want to live.

Chose a job you want to do.

Earn the money you need to move out/move on.

YOU want to do something with YOUR life.

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OK Pancho...here's the straight skinny...two things...
by Jack Ammann / May 11, 2008 12:48 AM PDT

...ELIMINATE the word "CAN'T" from your vocabulary and get yourself an education in a persuasion you love. The rest of it will fall into place.

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Sensing the next posting
by dinox64 / May 11, 2008 1:27 AM PDT

I see it going something like this. I have nobody, I know nobody, my parents won't let me, I don't know anything, i'm too weak to do anything. Do you also sense the frustration of those on here at your complete inability to decide when you are going to act your age and amke a decision to stand on your own two feet?
This pity party can go on for hours and days. I have come to a conclusion your parents are up to no good and have been for sometime. If you are finally realizing you don't care for their lifestyle it's time to say good ridance to it and them.
And I think it's time for a moderator to put it and to this and your postings so you get a clue and either cower to the crimes your parents are commiting or do something on your own just as everyone should.

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re: get yourself an education in a "persuasion" you love
by grimgraphix / May 12, 2008 3:17 AM PDT


Are you using a "grimbonics" dictionary there, Jack?

Closest I can find to a definition you may be looking to would be... A creed or belief; a sect or party adhering to a certain creed or system of opinions; as, of the same persuasion; all persuasions are agreed.

I'm still not sure if that makes any sense in the context of the discussion.

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This is probably not what you want, but... :-)
by grimgraphix / May 11, 2008 1:23 PM PDT

It may be a trite, unsatisfying comment, that you have heard before in one form or another... but life and happiness is all about the way you look at things.

The reality of life is that there are things you can change and things you can't. You do the best you can to make the good choices, and when you screw up (and you will), you try to learn from it. Family, friends, comrades, and lovers can help you along the way but happiness and sadness come from inside of you, and no one else.

Here is a link to an excerpt from The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff. This is from a funny, simple book that explains Taoism by comparing it to Winnie the Pooh. If you don't know who Winnie the Pooh is... well... that is an entirely different book and for a different post.

This particular excerpt is about an ancient parable that has been past down for thousands of years. It has been around for thousands of years because people have thought it was advice worth passing down through history.

Your not going to call all those people stupid now, are you? Grin

If you don't want to read it, then I will just quote the most important part of the passage...

"sourness and bitterness come from the interfering and unappreciative mind. Life itself, when understood and utilized for what it is, is sweet. "

The whole passage is worth a read. Why? Because life is difficult enough, that you have to be an idiot to not take any bit of help you can find along the way. Of course, being the well traveled young person that you are, you may already be aware of this stuff.... or you could just be a freaking idiot.

I hope you smiled at that jab. Have a good one! Happy


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The first thing you have to do
by gearup / May 12, 2008 2:33 AM PDT

is stop being a mommas boy loser. In simpler terms GROW UP!!!!!

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A factor in yours/ and others situation?
by JP Bill / May 12, 2008 10:37 PM PDT
The free-range child

Cleone Grasham's days of shuttling her three daughters hither and yon to sports, choir and other organized activities are over.

The Toronto mother has scaled it back to one gymnastics class for one of her kids ? and that's it.

?It was wearing on everybody,? says Ms. Grasham of her family's once-packed schedule.

?Everything was late and dinner was always rushed, and by the end of the day no one seemed to have done as much as they had wanted to do.?

For one thing, school offerings such as plays and community service projects already keep her kids, 6, 10 and 11, busy.

But with her own fond childhood recollections of simply playing soccer in the park until calls of ?Dinner!? summoned her home, Ms. Grasham is actively embracing a gleefully retro rethink of the condition of the modern child.

As so-called hyperparenting continues to dominate modern childrearing with its flash cards, over-programming, hovering and handholding, a number of conscientious objectors are taking a big step back.

They are not slacker parents ? they don't celebrate 3 p.m. martinis and serve Happy Meals for dinner.

But they are returning to a parenting style in which kids' time is filled with free play, unsupervised activities and plenty of downtime. Some call it free-range parenting.

In his new book Under Pressure: Rescuing Childhood from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting, Canadian philosopher and writer Carl Honor
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So do it.
by Kiddpeat / May 12, 2008 11:26 PM PDT

Talking is not doing.

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you seem to be stuck in a rut
by jonah jones / May 13, 2008 12:47 AM PDT
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depressed and angry?.........You're not alone.
by JP Bill / May 13, 2008 4:07 AM PDT
Let them return to the nest - but don't let them stay

It's a parenting Catch-22. Young adults who leave the nest too soon after university or who stay home too long are at a greater risk of depression than their peers, according to new research out of the University of Alberta.

In psychological circles, the 20s are known as a risky time, with higher rates of depression than are typical in middle age.

"There are vulnerabilities and opportunities," says Nancy Galambos, a psychology professor and co-author of the study, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family. "Leaving home, getting a job, becoming a parent - they're all possible turning points in people's lives."

Dr. Galambos and her colleagues applied new software models to surveys collected from 577 university graduates ages 20 to 29 who were tracked for seven years from 1985 to 1992 and asked to report their depressive and angry symptoms. They found that younger respondents living on their own reported higher levels of depression than those who lived at home with their parents.

The reverse was true for older individuals: They reported more depressive symptoms if they had not yet left home. And while there were minimal gender differences, women reported more anger immediately after graduation than did their male counterparts.
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Interesting stuff
by Dragon / May 13, 2008 12:55 PM PDT

Maybe they should stay at home for awhile, until they've gotten a few roots in the ground and then move on once they've got both feet on the ground.

So to speak.

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by kin3200 / May 14, 2008 2:21 PM PDT
In reply to: Interesting stuff

i'm looking for a "canadian army youth camp", btw i am a legal citizen, i wouldn't mind joining the army if i'm considered too old for youth camp though i haven't heard too many good things about training from a friend of mine who's in the airforce back then, i don't know if i can handle it.

i've decided to follow my parents when they depart in august, until then i'll just find something to do.

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re: decided to follow my parents when they depart in aug
by grimgraphix / May 15, 2008 2:41 AM PDT
In reply to: ok
If you keep on doing what you been doing... then yo gonna keep gettin what ya been gettin

- from a nice bit of graffiti I saw in an alley one time -

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Definition of insanity
by Diana Forum moderator / May 15, 2008 6:57 AM PDT

Doing the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome.


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He didn't want advice
by oldie and goody / May 15, 2008 7:15 AM PDT
In reply to: Definition of insanity

he was hoping to get confirmation on what he was going to do, Not wanting to hear he was doing the wrong thing. That's why I don't offer advice to any one.

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My first thought about advice
by Dragon / May 15, 2008 11:17 AM PDT
In reply to: He didn't want advice

was to join the military. I didn't think he would take it, though.

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i know
by kin3200 / June 5, 2008 4:23 AM PDT
In reply to: He didn't want advice

i have place you all ina very difficult position to help me.

you all deserve an answer from me.

i feel so alone. i'm so lonely.

it was never like going on a trip, i was never delighted at the idea of moving, it wasn't just moving, it was migrating. in the end i lost everything i have. no matter how many times i made an effort they would all be taken away from me. i hated them, they made my life miserable by moving so many times, it's been what now, 12 plane trips and 58 homes i've moved into for the past decade of my life, i don't understand why some ppl would think i should be delighted at the prospect of travelling, it wasn't travelling, everytime i was given the promise that "it'll be the last time son i promise", and now it's been 58 last times, i snapped a few years ago when they started to frequently move again and i was always alone by myself, and i thought about death and soon developed a fear of it. i never told anyone, but i grew out of it when i met a few good friends, that is until they decided to move again.....

and now they're moving again, this time i've come of age and i can make my own decision weather to follow their destructive path or remained in canada to start anew on my own. these past months i've met some old friends of mine and i realized i really besides them don't have much left to motivate me to continue the rest of my days in canada. the asia country however, despite the terrible hatred i harbor for it, when i'm there i don't feel so....lonesome. i'm currently attending a University in canada now, my dream came true but it was far from what i expected, everyone is so cold to even those they've known for years. when i stumbled into the old elementary school where i spent the happiest 2 years of my life, those very precious years in which my parents didn't move at all, the friends i've made there and all that, and as i stood there i just couldnt stop myself from getting all teary eyed; i was staring at my own field of broken dreams, it felt suffocating, i couldn't bare it.

an IRAQ kid who was having the time of his life in a school in usa, soon after he was forced to moved back to his home country where the best tiems of his life are wasted in the echoing sounds of bullet fire and death. he returns to the usa, the very school he attended, how would he feel?

i'm running away, there's nothing left for me here now, becuase i lefted. because my life is already wrecked, it wouldn't hurt too much more if i just go with them and suffer, not that it can kill me anymore. and as i walked down the hallway of the university feeling nothing but bitter cold and loneliness, it only solidify my resolve to run away even more.

i'm insane, i'm crazy, be cruel to me, scream at me, talk some sense into me, stray me fro mthis destructive path i'm walking towards!

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