Hi Marcia,
I think Ed has given you some good ideas. I don't know if it's different in your state, but here in CT the contempt order could be pursued from a civil angle. While the fees/atty costs can be prohibitive, there are usually advocacy groups around that can assist you with this.
I had a friend who's ex lived in another state and drifted between jobs. Very difficult to do anything, but he didn't visit the kids either. Since you mentioned visitation, does yours visit? Are you on any sort of civil level of relationship with him? The reason I ask is that few fathers who spend time with their kids would skip out on the support end unless they are truly unable to pay. At this point with all the back owed, this may have ballooned to the point of overwhelming. Rather than wait till you can get that $24K back, you did mention he paid in November. In your best estimate is he unable to make the monthly payment? If that's the case, you can't get blood from a stone and it might be to the benefit of everyone to reduce the award (although $200/mo. for 2 kids if that was a monthly payment seems very reasonable!) to something he CAN and WILL pay. Perhaps you can make arrangements that he pay part of the back debt to each of your kids when they turn 18 -- kindof like just continuing the child support payments directly to them in young adulthood. While it certainly would be better to have the money now, he might be more conducive to paying directly to his kids, and seeing a light at the end of the tunnel to that large debt. It sure would be nice while in college or getting out in the world for your boys to get a helping hand -- better late than never! Just a thought, and since I know very little of your situation I hope I haven't offended with any suggestion.
BTW, what does he do?
I've seen both sides of that equation. Unfortunately for every one like you and my friend with three boys and a deadbeat Dad, there are women who leave marriages they could have made work to find themselves and the Dad is denied access and compelled to pay hefty sums. I know two such women and their husbands. It is fair to say that neither needs the support payments nor spends them/saves them for the children. They take particular glee at destroying their ex's lives by filing contempt orders when they miss one payment because they lost their job. If the guy gets a promotion or a new job that pays more, their ex goes back for more. God forbid he be able to remarry and perhaps have and support kids with another woman. Sadly, I don't think either of the women found anything in their self-finding journeys, and the children were the real losers ![]()
No easy answers there. Hang in! You're doing a great job. Since I'm being lazy, I'll answer your other post in this thread here. I think there is a misconception regarding the feelings many of have regarding welfare. I don't think anyone begrudges a hand up out of a temporary situation. I also think that many here have less of a problem with a governmental role than they have with a Federal one-size-fits-all wealth redistribution role. Private charity is much better at providing charity without the need to place one's pride anywhere.
Evie ![]()
Oh wait! I don't qualify because I don't have a child. Minor detail. The Federal government is discriminating against me as I cannot get all the benefits extended to those with children. So, silly as it might sound, I have decided that I have two children, my cats. Heck, they aren't humans, nor even technically children anymore in cat years, but these are only minor details. They are what I say they are so I want my EITC!
Evie ![]()

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