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How the Gromey Stole Spectaclefest

by flattuca / August 16, 2006 12:42 AM PDT

Here is the Original Email, with a foreward(introduction, apology, whatever)


I'm not crazy. I thought I would just preface it that way. When I was in Law School we used to do this thing called "Law Revue." It was like "What if Saturday Night Live was about our Law School." Well, I've always been a bit of a writter, and when something gets in my head it sticks and it stays there until it I get it out on paper-I suppose I should get a blog, but I had one, and I find I write too much, and it turns into crap


I have these creative spurts, and after that guy "Romey" blogged about being annoyed by the Spectaclefesting that was going on, well...I started thinking. Every great, truly great, holiday/time of year/special event/'fest has a song or a poem or a story about it.

This one, is for Spectaclefest and BuzzOutLoud and you guys. (And as a copyright person I really hope this falls under parody, I sort of don't care anyway.)


mostly by the amazing Dr. Suess, with some stuff added in by me Frank L

Every Buzzer
Down in Buzz-ville
Liked Spectaclefest a lot...

But the Gromey,
Who lived just north in Blogsville,
Did NOT!

The Gromey hated Specfest! The whole Spectacle season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his motherboard wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his hearts DRM was a little too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his BOL shirt size was two sizes too small.

But, Whatever the reason, His ROM or his DRM,

He stood there on Spectacle Eve, hating all of them,

Lashing out from his blog with a sour, Gromey tone
At the warmly lit monitors in all of their homes.
For he knew every Buzzer down in Buzz-ville beneath
Was listening now, their downloads complete.

"And they're making their pledges!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Spectaclefest! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Gromey fingers angrily keying,
"I MUST find a way to keep this Spectacle ever from being!"

For, tomorrow, he knew...All the Buzz girls and guys
Would wake up bright and early, And look to the skies!

That opening song! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
Followed by fireworks he hated The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Buzzers, with no cause at all, would gather in scores.
For speeches by Jobs, Gates and Chuck Norris!


They would inflate the space station, and fuel up the starship
Brought by Bob Z, and piloted by Trip.

And THEN They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Buzzer down in Buzzville, those who email and call,
Would stand close together, with Spectacle bells Clanging.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And they would all start their spectating.!

They'll Spectate! And they'll Spectate!

And the more the Gromey thought of the Buzzer Spectation
The more the Gromey thought, "I must stop this Spectacled Sensation!

"Why for 300 episodes I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Spectaclefest from coming!... But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

"I know just what to do!" The Gromey typed on the net.
And he made a quick Veronica wig and a hat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Gromey scheme!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look the part of the BOL team!"

"All I need is an ID..." The Gromey looked around.
But since Fake ID is scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old Gromey...? No! The Gromey simply said,
"If I can't find an ID, I'll make one instead!"

So he called up Verizon, AT&T, and Yahoo and to each he said,
"I need some of that info you've been collecting, and a picture of V's head"

THEN He loaded up the pics, and using a template he had
Printed up a 100% official looking Veronica Belmont Badge!

Then the Gromey said, "Hot Diggity!" and he quickly started down
Toward the homes where the Buzzers lay a-snooze in their town.

All their monitors were dark, or a screensaver there.
Buzzers all dreaming of Techy things never to appear
When he came to the house of Molly and her newly cut hair,

"Here it begins" The Veroni-gromey hissed
And he climbed through the window, empty bags in his fist.

Sliding under the plasma. The space was a bit cozy,
But if the cats could both do it, then so could the Gromey.

He got stuck for but moments, and not very many,
sneaking around Molly's life size cut-out of Remy.

He saw the little Buzzer pledges all next to the door.
"These pledges" he grinned, "shall soon be pledges no more!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!

Pirates! And Ninjas! Wyoming! And a Coffee Mug!
Butlers! Islands! Lasagna! The Chelsea Football Club!
He stuffed them in bags. Then the Gromey threw them away,
Out of the door and on to his Gromey-ful Sleigh!

Then he slunk to the cashbox and stole all the cash!
In euros and dollars, (the pesos he took last)
He cleaned out the animal cages, you'd think him insane
That Gromey let out the goats, and lions, and the Snakes on a Plane!

He laughed and he chortled, and said the Gromey with a Grin.
"This paper clip, ha ha, it's the very last thing!"

But just as the Gromey was leaving that house
He heard the sound of a tongue snapping the roof of its mouth!

He turned around fast, and there, witness to his Tort
Was that darn Molly Wood, host of the Buzz Report!

The Gromey had been caught by this CNET Reporter
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.

She stared at the Gromey and said, "Veronica, why,
"Why aren't you home playing WOW? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Gromey was so smart and so slick
He thought up a rumorish lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my sweet dear Molly," that fake 'Roni lied,
"Tom and I are here to set up your surprise."

"It's amazing, and great, and Apple's Top of the Line!
"It's Jobs' new ihidden! And it's yours to go find!"

And his fib fooled our Molly-A CNET Senior Ed
(Who are easier to trick than you may have been led.)

And when Molly Wood went searching for what couldn't be found,
That awful old Gromey took one last look around

And the last thing he took was the Spectaclefest crown.

As he went out the door, he snatched up the table.
Leaving just busted up modem, and chewed Ethernet cable.

And the one speck of tech that the Gromey let be
Was a perfectly perfect copy of Windows ME

Then He did the same thing To the other Buzz houses!

Robbing their Buzz Brothers, Buzz Sisters and Spouses!

It was quarter past dawn, PST, with the buzzers still-a-bed
Hitting the snooze on the alarm, When he packed up his sled
Packed it up with their firecrackers! Their celebrities! The Glasses!
The DVDs! The Ballparks! The zombies and Programming classes!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Bloggy,
He rode to the tiptop to let the rain turn it soggy!
"Pooh-pooh to the Buzzers" he was Gromey-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Spectacles are coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"Then all the Buzzers down in Buzzville will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a V-mail," grinned the Gromey, "That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Gromey put ear-buds into ear.

And he did hear a sound that was starting to grow.
A very soft cue that started to grow

But the sound wasn't sad!
No, this sound didn't stink!
How could Tom still say

"This Festival is brought to you by Earthlink?!!?"

He stared down at Buzzville!
The Gromey popped out his 'phones!
"Those Buzzers are smiling
Coming out of their homes!"

Every Buzzer down in Buzzville, the tall and the small,
Was jumping for joy! Without any Spectacles at all!
He HADN'T stopped Spectacle fest from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Gromey, with his keyboard ablaze,
Stood puzzling and puzzling, entirely amazed!

It came without explosions! It came without kites!
It came without HD or Blue Ray, or Life Size Rock-em-Sockem Fights!
And he blogged three hours, `till his blogger was sore.
Then the Gromey thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Spectaclefest," he thought, "isn't about all the tech.
"Maybe Spectaclefest...perhaps...awww what the heck!"

And what happened then...? Buzzville they say
That the Gromey's BOL shirt grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his DheartM didn't squeeze him so tight,
He whizzed back to Buzzville through the bright morning light
And he brought back the spectacles! The space station, and British Royal Chorus

And he

The Gromey

Introduced Chuck Norris.


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Collapse -
Are you Frank L.?
by robstak / August 16, 2006 2:27 AM PDT

if so, thanks Happy

Collapse -
Yes I am
by flattuca / August 16, 2006 2:39 AM PDT
In reply to: Are you Frank L.?

And you're welcome

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