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Holiday Eating Tips

by TONI H / November 27, 2012 5:26 AM PST


1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. Hello?! The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free.

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips, and remember this motto:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, what a ride!"

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Eat donuts instead of bagels
by James Denison / November 27, 2012 8:37 AM PST
In reply to: Holiday Eating Tips
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Not everything is quite often as it seems...
by zeroday1 / November 29, 2012 11:09 PM PST

Just like the energy drink craze that's been around now for a while...

Loading up on energy drinks rather than derive your energy naturally from whole foods is one of the many sinister goals behind the man-made machine of this world...

Time and again the human race continues to prove how ridiculously stubborn and gullible we are when we buy into the facades and glitter of this world just to get ahead.

Fallacies are the norm in today's society...and that's just how the Masonic-connivers want it...


"The very word secrecy is repugnant in a free and open society and we are as a people, inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths and to secret proceedings."

"For we are opposed around the world by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy that relies primarily on covet means for expanding its fear of influence. On infiltration instead of invasion; on subversion instead of elections; on intimidation instead of free choice..."

"...it is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit, highly efficient machine that combines military, diplomatic, intelligence, economic, scientific and political operations..."

"Its preparations are concealed---not published, its mistakes are buried---not headlined, it's dissenter's are silenced---not praised..."

"...No expenditure is questioned, no rumor is printed, no secret is revealed..." --John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1961)

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Mickey Mantle had a famous saying...
by Tony Holmes / December 1, 2012 2:25 AM PST
In reply to: Holiday Eating Tips

*If I knew my body was gonna last this long,I would've taken better care of it*

Dig in ! Grin

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George Burns
by TONI H / December 1, 2012 2:39 AM PST

used to talk about how every doctor he had told him to stop smoking cigars......and then added that he outlived them all.

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nice one
by makewineathome / August 23, 2014 11:18 AM PDT
In reply to: Holiday Eating Tips

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, what a ride!" read seems like poem

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