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General discussion

Health and Diet

by Mac McMullen / April 14, 2008 12:52 PM PDT

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain... Good!
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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
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Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
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Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND...... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you

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More on chocolate, diets and the consequences of dieting ...
by Bill Osler / April 14, 2008 10:31 PM PDT
In reply to: Health and Diet

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

A meal without wine is like -- breakfast.

If not for chocolate there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the refrigerator. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump down out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love chocolate, and communists.

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces.

There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles.

I'm not so sure about the last one. I thought the essential food groups were salt, fat, preservatives, caffeine, sugar and chocolate.

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And more diet tips ...
by Bill Osler / April 14, 2008 10:36 PM PDT
In reply to: Health and Diet
Food-related Humor
1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.

4. Foods used for medicinal purposes *never* count. (e.g. hot chocolate, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake.)

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (e.g. milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints and Tootsie Rolls.)

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.

8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.

9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons has no calories. (e.g. peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon.)

10. Foods of the same color have the same number of calories; for example: spinach and pistachio ice cream.
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(NT) Of course, there are no calories in samples
by Diana Forum moderator / April 15, 2008 12:13 PM PDT
In reply to: Health and Diet
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