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Fruitcake Recipe

1 cup water
1 cup of sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure it is
of the highest quality.
Pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter
in a large, fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK.
Cry another tup. Turn off mixer.
Break 2 yegs and add to the bowl and chuck
in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers,
pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something, Who cares.
Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something.
Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again.
Go to bed.
Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?

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I'll drink to that.

In reply to: Fruitcake Recipe


Actually I do like fruitcake.

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(NT) (NT) your 1 of the few :)

In reply to: I'll drink to that.

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So you're the other one!

In reply to: I'll drink to that.

If no one buys me one, I get one (or three) for myself. Dare I give a forwarding address for unwanted fruitcake? Garrison Keillor does a good routine about the glut of the uneaten cake every year. It's hilarious.

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I've already bought myself one ...

In reply to: So you're the other one!

I like all kinds of fruitcake, but the one I bought for myself is a chocolate fruitcake.

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BTW: Re: Garrison Keillor

In reply to: So you're the other one!

Isn't that the story about how there is really only one fruitcake in the entire world, but nobody will eat it and they just keep passing it around?

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That line sounds familiar

In reply to: BTW: Re: Garrison Keillor

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Me too

In reply to: I'll drink to that.

I used to send fruitcakes as Christmas presents. I called everyone beforehand and asked it they liked fruitcake and no one turned them down. Can't afford it this year but I would get them at www.fruitcake.com

click here to email semods4@yahoo.com

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Inexpensive alternatives

In reply to: Me too

One alternative is to save fruits throughout the year and home dry them and then make them (needle and thread), into little trees or stars or wreaths, come holiday time. You can either use a real fruit dehydrator, or improvise them yourself. Use cinnamon redhots or dried cranberries for the "bulbs." You can use a toilet paper or paper towel roll for the frame of the tree, if need be, twisting the top part, and even cutting the roll into sections and cutting slits in the rolls to make it like a Douglas Fir or Starr Pine when stacked on each other.

My husband's clerk made us all wreaths made from cornflakes mixed with small marshmallows mixed in with them and a lot of green food dye with the cinnamon redhots for holly berries on them. You can even hang them on the tree for decorations. They come out beautiful with a vivid emerald green color and look and taste great and kids really love them (like rice crispy treats)! Here is the recipe:

XMas Wreath Cookies

1/4 cup butter or oleomargarine
3 cups mini-marshmallows
1 1/2 teaspoons greed food color
4 cups unsweetened corn flakes (she notes Kelloggs are best)
Cinnamon Redhot candies

Heat butter and marshmallows in saucepan over low heat, stirring constantly until marshmallows are melted. Stir in food coloring. Remove from heat, stir in corn flakes. Cool just until warm. form mixture into 1" balls, place on greased cookie sheet (or wax paper). Make holes in center of balls, forming a wreath. Place candy on wreath for berries. Let stand until firm. Store in single layers, separated by wax paper in airtight container.

I also save llitle scraps from sewing projects and make them into either little quilts, or dolls for babies. My grandmother used to be very good at the dolls. For those, you take circles of left-over cloth (almost any kind will do, but harder to work with if too thick - should be washable though). Cut them into 3 or 4" circles and then put a wide and loose stitch (on 4 on the sewing machine) through just an 1/8" from the edge. Pull the threads tight and tie on each on, making a smaller circle from them, with the raw edges in the underside center hidden.

Make dozens of these little circles, and then divide them into five main groups. Take two circles and place them so that the raw edges are facing each other, so that in a row it will look like Oreo cookes stacked on one another, with the raw edges being the center of the cookie, and not exposed anywhere. Take a large needle like a tapestry or upholstery needle, and some strong thread (double strands if just cotton mercerized), and sew up through the middle of a stack of the circles, and tie off, but leave extra thread beyond the end.

Repeat that for each of the stacks, to make two arms, two legs, and a small stack for the torso. Add a little stack of 1 to 2" circles for the neck, and then make two larger circles for the head. Sew blue or green or brown thread for eyes on the front of the face, with or without a nose added and some pink thread for a mouth. Then sew the outer edges of these larger circles together, with the good side of the cloth facing each other. Leave a hole at the bottom about 2' wide so you can flip the the cloth right-side out. Now sew a 1/4" seam around that bottom exposed area. Insert extra cloth or other stuffing (we even used to use corn silk from fresh corn, and place about four of the circles from the neck segment of the doll into the head portion opening, and draw the thread closed around them. Handstitch the head closed around the neck and secure. You can add feet or hands to them too if you wish, or sew on "hair" with yarn before sewing the top pieces together.

These are designed for really young children who can't have buttons or other items around them for fear of choking. The kids like them because they are usually bright colored and floppy and fun, and they are washable, and won't hurt things if the child hits them against a crib railing.

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I like fruitcake too,

In reply to: I'll drink to that.

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Me, too.

In reply to: I'll drink to that.

My recipe call for brandy.


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This, or something like it, is posted here each December,...

In reply to: Fruitcake Recipe

...but that's OK, George; I always get a chuckle out of it...as I did now.

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Did'nt know that Paul.

In reply to: This, or something like it, is posted here each December,...

This is my first December on here and have enjoyed it. The Forum I mean, not the Fruitcake. Happy


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(NT) (NT) But did you enjoy the whiskey?

In reply to: Did'nt know that Paul.

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(NT) (NT) Love it!!!

In reply to: Fruitcake Recipe

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(NT) (NT) Sounds good to me !!!

In reply to: Fruitcake Recipe

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In reply to: Fruitcake Recipe

How about a recipe for plum pudding and hard sauce????

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(NT) (NT) A real one?!!! Sounds wonderful!

In reply to: NOW

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Heres One MKay...

In reply to: NOW

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(NT) (NT) Good job, George!!! :-)))

In reply to: Heres One MKay...

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In reply to: Fruitcake Recipe

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My mother-in-law actually sent us one of those....

In reply to: Fruitcake Recipe

...a few years ago. A fruitcake, not a gallon of whiskey. I laughed pretty hard at the whole cliche aspect of it all. I didn't think people still really did that.

If our house had a dumbwaiter I guess we could have used it as a counterweight. Otherwise, once the curiosity value was gone, so was the fruitcake.

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