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From my Inbox

by RB2D2 / September 15, 2004 11:49 AM PDT

*****!!

A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first 'ever physical exam. After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could find no problems. I did notice one anomaly, however.

" Oh, what is that, Doctor?"

"Well, you have no nipples."

"None of the people in my tribe have nipples," she replied.

"That is amazing," said the doctor. "I'd like to write this up for The South Carolina Journal of Medicine if you don't mind."

She said, "OK."

"First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?"

She answered, "Approximately 500."

"And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the doctor.

Running Doe replied, "We're called ....
>
>

(I hate to do this to you)


>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>


........ The Indiannippleless Five Hundred!"

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A day of golf with friends
by RB2D2 / September 15, 2004 11:51 AM PDT
In reply to: From my Inbox

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green.

Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.

The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.

Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around, we won't bring you next time

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Variation of that joke...
by J. Vega / September 15, 2004 3:32 PM PDT

A variation of that joke that I heard a long time ago.
The devil is playing golf with God. Same action roughly, but the punchline is: Then the devil says to God, "Look..... are you going to play golf, or just screw around?".

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Re: A day of golf with friends
by KimK / September 15, 2004 4:02 PM PDT

so sweet.....

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Moses fishing.
by RB2D2 / September 15, 2004 11:52 AM PDT
In reply to: From my Inbox
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These are great! :)
by MarciaB / September 15, 2004 12:15 PM PDT
In reply to: From my Inbox

Thanks for the laughs
(as well as the grrroooaaaan on the first one!)

Happy

.

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Yes, admit the first was a real groaner. :-)
by RB2D2 / September 15, 2004 12:50 PM PDT
In reply to: These are great! :)

HOLY MOSES

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."

George W. asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!"

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Re: From my Inbox
by KimK / September 15, 2004 3:47 PM PDT
In reply to: From my Inbox

"all right", i said.

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Moses, his first years .....
by RB2D2 / September 15, 2004 9:27 PM PDT
In reply to: From my Inbox
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I'm so mad, I can"t even see straight.
by RB2D2 / September 15, 2004 9:29 PM PDT
In reply to: From my Inbox

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I"m so mad, I can"t even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don"t you let off a little steam and tell me why you"re so upset?"

So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I"d like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn"t believe this was happening, and I hadn"t had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand and starts walking out of the bar. This seemed just too good to be true."

He continued, "She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to her room. She said to relax, watch some TV, and that she would be ready to go down to the restaurant in a few minutes. But, as soon as I put my feet up and reclined my chair, I heard some keys jingling and someone starts fumbling with the door."

"The blonde says, "Oh my god, it"s my boyfriend. He must have lost his wrestling match tonight, he"s gonna be real mad. Quick, hide!""

"So, I opened the closet, but I figured that was probably the first place he would look, so I didn"t hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I figured he"s bound to look there, too. By now, I could hear the key in the lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn"t see me."

The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be a bit frustrated at this point."

"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells out, "Who you been with now, you witch?" The girl says, "Nobody, honey, now calm down.""

Well, the guy starts tearing up the room. I hear him tear the door off the closet and throw it across the room. I"m thinking, "Boy, I"m glad I didn"t hide in there." Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good thing I didn"t hide under there either. Then I heard him say, "What"s that over there by the window?" I think, "Oh God, I"m dead meat now."

But, the blonde by now is trying real hard to distract him and convince him to stop looking. Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom and I hear water running for a long time; I figure maybe he"s gonna take a bath or something, when all of a sudden, the jerk pours a pitcher of scalding hot water out of the window right on top of my head. I mean, look at this, I got second degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!"

The bartender says, "Oh man, that would have gotten me mad for sure." "No, that didn"t really bother me. Next, the guy starts slamming the window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. They"re a bloody mess. I can hardly hold onto this glass."

The bartender looks at the guy"s hands and says, "Yeah, buddy, I can understand why you are so upset."

"No, that wasn"t what really got me so angry though."

The bartender then asks in exasperation, "Well, then, what did finally make you anger?"

"Well, I was hanging on the window, and I turned around and looked down--I was only about six inches off the ground."

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BUSH GETS CODED MESSAGE FROM SADDAM
by RB2D2 / September 15, 2004 11:54 PM PDT
In reply to: From my Inbox

After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Saddam is still alive', Saddam decides to send George W. a letter in his own writing to let him know that he is still in the game.

Bush opens the letter and sees only a coded message: "370HSSV-0773H". He can't figure it out, so he asks Karl Rove.

Rove suggests that the head of the CIA would certainly understand code, so Bush sends it to George Tenet. Tenet, however, can't figure it out, either. He suggests, "How about Condi? She has a doctorate, that means she's smart."

But Dr. Rice is baffled, too. As Bush is pondering the mysterious message lying on the desk before him, Colin Powell enters the Oval Office. When he sees the paper and reads what is written on it, he asks, "Sir, where did that come from?"

Bush replies testily, "Supposedly it's a message from Saddam. But what the hell does '370HSSV-0773H' mean?"

Powell clears his throat and replies, "Mr. President, I think you've been looking at the message upside down."

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