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General discussion

Elder Abuse. Marvel style (Stan Lee)

Apr 12, 2018 4:15PM PDT

Read https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/features/stan-lee-needs-a-hero-elder-abuse-claims-a-battle-aging-marvel-creator-1101229 if you can.

Even I am dealing with elder abuse issues as some moochers continue to ask my mother for money, gas, payment for chores and so on. My brother and I have ejected them from the home we provide for mom yet we can't be there 24x7 to stop them from dropping by.

And yes, there is another shoe to drop as we consider restraining orders but mom feels that's not needed and in fact has countered with her getting an attorney to thwart the restraining order.

Never thought I'd have to deal with this. Mom's 84 and keeps working to pay for other people's bills for cell phones, insurance and amazingly the weekly bill at a Radisson motel.

Discussion is locked

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No one, easy answer.
Apr 12, 2018 8:13PM PDT

That business of her fighting the restraining order is not good. I once had a job installing those 'help I've fallen' systems, and I had two women who refused to accept them, although they were paid for by children. It was probably pride, which can bring down any of us.
A friend had a similar problem in his family, and it was his brother to whom neither parent could say no. The other siblings would have him removed whenever he turned up. I don't know how that turned out.
I know about Stan Lee's case; just showed up in the news last week or so.
Can someone else be there physically? A more distant relative or a church member? Sometimes live-ins can be supplied by social services, but of course she has to accept their "interference".
That Radisson bill sounds strange. Have you talked to motel management about it?
One step, always taken reluctantly, is to get control of her finances legally. You would have to show, I think, that she's not able to handle them. Not only is that difficult and wrenching, but it sounds like it may not be the case here.
In real life, no superheroes or Moderators. Sad

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Abuse/care
Apr 12, 2018 8:34PM PDT

Some children don't give a hoot about their parents others do.

I was in the do camp and my siblings were not so it fell back to me.

As my parents moved through their 80's dad's health was failing and mom's mental health was failing.

What started out as a few hours a week turned into 24 hrs/day.

It was not possible for one person to do this.

Dad at 90 was the first to be moved to a nursing home where he could get 24hr/day medical help.

4 or 5 yrs later mom's mental health had declined to the point that you could not tell what she would do so I had to move her to a nursing home where they had staff to watch her.

This ate me as I felt like a failure......even today it still brings up bad memories.

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Don't beat yourself up. You did what you could.
Apr 12, 2018 10:28PM PDT

My Dad, who was the primary caregiver for my Mom, caught a break. By then she was morbidly obese, so she wasn't mobile. He didn't have to go looking for her in a snowdrift.
The first thing he learned was, ask for help. You did, in the form of institutional care. That was all you had.

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It does not matter
Apr 12, 2018 10:56PM PDT

Emotional baggage that I will carry to my grave.

Even 20yrs later I still tear up thinking I should have done more.....I failed.

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Well, too bad your myth threshhold is so high.
Apr 13, 2018 2:25PM PDT

Everything you said is addressed specifically in the Bible. Our original purpose was to live forever in a paradise on earth. That idea, and of a creator powerful enough to make it happen regardless of man's screwups, is covered consistently and clearly throughout.
Two statements that bear on your situation are first, that Jesus can "undo" the works of the Devil including and primarily death. Undo death. Second, a firm prophecy of a time when "death will be no more".
Think of it as a country where illness and death are outlawed. The Bible is the guide for the citizenship test we must pass.

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First, thanks for the replies.
Apr 15, 2018 3:51PM PDT

For now we let her do as she wishes as to paying for all those around her (moochers.) But the pain when she stops is going to be worse for them in the long run.

Thanks again,
Bob

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Sorry that you have to go through this
Apr 17, 2018 6:30AM PDT

I also went through it as a nephew would come over " To Visit G'pa " and robbed him and myself blind. A little here and there.
Stole a couple of grand at different times and dad couldn't figure what happened , thought he kept losing his money.

Than I had a bunch of $$$ missing and started being home with dad when nephew came by.
I caught him in our cash drawer w/$500 in hand as well as dad's wallet.
He's a thieving , lying drug addict .
I threw him out of the house and banned him.
His mother , my sister didn't believe myself or dad and insisted we let him back in our fold .
To this day, my sis is mad at me , even though the nephew went to jail for drug dealing and stolen goods .... You know the rest of the story

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sorry to hear that
Apr 17, 2018 9:56AM PDT

even the best families can have that happen to them. Satan's first successful coup against humanity was pushing a bad drug on Adam and Eve. He's been busy at it every since then.