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Democratic escape plan - from my in-box

by Pat S / November 3, 2004 2:31 AM PST


LOOKS LIKE the worst has happened.

Four more years of fanatical right-wing fundamentalists running the government. Four more years of lies, regressive social policy and Laura Bush.

Clearly, there's only one thing left to do:

Pack up and move to Canada.

You've heard of brain drain? I'm calling this the sane drain - an exodus of progressive people who find the idea of another Bush administration unbearable.

"If the country votes for Bush, then 51 percent of the people in this country are psychos," one Colorado resident told the Denver Post last week.

He opened a bank account in British Columbia weeks before the election. Smart.

So, while you recover from your crying jag, I've done some prep work for you. Herewith, a short guide to our benign neighbors to the North:

1. To emigrate, call the Canadian Embassy in Washington, D.C. at 202-682-1740 or apply online at cic.gc.ca/English/index.html.

2. If you're drowning your sorrows in booze, drink before you go. You can only bring in 1.5 liters of wine or 1.14 liters of booze without a tax.

3. Oh, and learn what a liter is, fast. Also, kilometers and kilograms. And think celsius instead of Fahrenheit. That's how they measure the temperature. Actually, you might be better off not understanding what the temperature is, because it gets really, really cold there.

4. But at least when you get pneumonia, you won't have to worry about affording a doctor. Canadians have free public health care. That means your meds for post-election depression will be covered, too.

But brace yourselves for some other cultural adjustments.

1. The second language in Canada is French. Can you say cheesesteak avec?

2. Not that they have Cheez Whiz. In fact, their favorite fast food - called poutine - is French fries covered with hard cheese and meat gravy. Bleagh.

3. And forget Krispy Kreme. You'll have to settle for a donut from Tim Horton's, a chain named for a deceased hockey player.

4. Yes, hockey is the national pastime. So say goodbye to baseball, which, for a Philadelphian, might just be a blessing.

5. Finally, some trivia: they have a one-dollar coin they call a "loonie" and a two-dollar coin they call a "toonie." Which presumably means they have a sense of humor. Though not a good one.

These are small sacrifices - except for the Cheez Whiz - to make for sanity. There's no death penalty, real gun control and legal gay marriage.

And, unlike most of the rest of the world, Canadians actually still like us. "We have a tremendous affection for Americans and America," said Tim Woods, a Canadian immigration expert.

And in one way, moving to Canada is returning to our roots.

They do, after all, live under the British Monarchy.

It's taken us all these years to find out, but there is a fate worse than that.

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Re: Democratic escape plan - from my in-box
by Josh K / November 3, 2004 2:32 AM PST

LOL, Canada is nice but too cold. I'm thinking about Costa Rica myself....


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Re: Democratic escape plan - from my in-box
by Paul C / November 3, 2004 3:20 AM PST


I read a story (can't remember where) about folks, including some celebrity types, who are talking again about expatriation, saying that they can't abide another four years of Dubya.

Of course, we're still waiting for Alec Baldwin to carry through on his 2000 pledge to emigrate if Bush won...;-)

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Re: Democratic escape plan - from my in-box
by Josh K / November 3, 2004 3:24 AM PST

I'm sure most of those people were/are just blowing off steam. Besides, the pizza and Chinese food in Canada are probably pretty crappy. The food in Costa Rica is pretty good though. Low cost of living, stable government, no enemies,....hmmmm............


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Re: Democratic escape plan - from my in-box
by dirtyrich / November 3, 2004 8:34 AM PST

Montreal has a great little Chinatown area... good food if you like "real" Chinese.

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Toronto has great Chinese, Vienamese, Cuban and Italian
by Ziks511 / November 3, 2004 9:02 AM PST

restaurants to mention only a few. And as for pizza, I challenge anyone to match Il Fornello or Amato's pizza.

Peter Ustinov said "Toronto is like New York, but run by the Swiss instead of the Mafia".

Rob Boyter 18yrs 6months and loving it

Hey any body notice they burned down the courthouse where i lived? What a shame.

Rob Boyter

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Re: Toronto has great Chinese, Vienamese, Cuban and Italian
by Josh K / November 3, 2004 11:59 PM PST

That's true; I've heard that Toronto is a very nice place and that the people are great. Montreal's Chinese food isn't worth having to learn French though.

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(NT) (NT) You'd probably like Cuba then.
by James Denison / November 3, 2004 10:06 AM PST
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(NT) (NT) Re: Thanks for the injection of humor, Patrick
by MKay / November 3, 2004 11:36 PM PST

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