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Celebrating the elderly

(It's OK, 'cause I am elderly.)

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And

what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"

the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer


The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your

own Easter eggs.


Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came

up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was

your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older

than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded,

"Hardly worth going home is it?"


I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 by-pass surgeries, a

hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer,

and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything

quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different

medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to

blackouts Have bouts with dementia. Have poor

circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my

friends. But.. Thank God, I still have my Florida

driver's license!


A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and

says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir",

replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your

sex drive is all in your head?" "You're darn right it

is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it



God, grant me the senility to forget the people I

never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the

ones I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference.


An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her

will and make her final requests. She told her lawyer

she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be

cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered

over Bloomingdales. "Bloomingdales!" the lawyer

exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a


Angeline "Clearly the trick in life is to die young
as late as possible."

click here to email semods4@yahoo.com

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Re: Celebrating the elderly

In reply to: Celebrating the elderly

Hi Angeline;

I like that last one. "Final Request" My final request is to be buried upside down so the whole world can kiss my Butt. Happy

The Florida Drivers licence was good too.


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Re: Celebrating the elderly

In reply to: Re: Celebrating the elderly

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Hey, c'mon - the more clever remarks the merrier, what?

In reply to: Re: Celebrating the elderly

Since you started the ball rolling, and George had the compos mentis to keep it rolling, and when you're on a roll it's difficult to stop... What did you expect? I know, another clever comment!

Sorry to disappoint you Sad The best I can do is to say that I really did laugh out loud about no peer pressure at age 104. Wouldn't it be nice to say "Blow 'em all" and truly be able to mean it? It's given me something to look forward to in the longer term. Wink


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Re: Hey, c'mon - the more clever remarks the merrier, what?

In reply to: Hey, c'mon - the more clever remarks the merrier, what?

Hi, Mo,

George always seems to have a clever way with words, and I look forward to reading his fun replies!

Y'know, we get a kick out of little kids saying what they mean- "so innocent". But when an elderly person does the same, it's because they are "old and cranky".

I like to think that they have a lifetime of experience, so are qualified to call it like it is! Happy

click here to email semods4@yahoo.com

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Yes, and I look forward to ...

In reply to: Re: Hey, c'mon - the more clever remarks the merrier, what?

GR's replies also.

On the one hand, perhaps I should leave it to the expert, OTOH, that means you George ... the floor is yours again... Devil

"Just a bit of fun" as our Peter Snow says.

PS Mark's nephew's little girl has just arrived - how are your bootees coming along?


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Re: Yes, and I look forward to ...

In reply to: Yes, and I look forward to ...

to my granddaughters big day too MO. Its a coming good. Happy About 1 1/2 more months I think. Congrads to Mark also.

About my replies Angeline and Mo.
Hey, look I'm no expert and about the only thing I'm clever with is tools or at least try to be. They are just off the cuff quotes that I thought fit the topic. I'm sure there are many members on here that can do better than me. If some of my replies seem insulting or offensive to some, I apologize. I mean no harm.

I'm just an easy going, not very serious type guy trying to survive the gloom and doom world out there. Hell, at my age theres nothing I can do about it anyway, except to try and find some good out of it for others as well as myself.

I always enjoy reading Angelines replies and your replies MO. You both have a way of getting your point across with exceptional expertise and the fun topics are great Happy Many other members have that talent on here also.


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Dear George ...

In reply to: Re: Yes, and I look forward to ...

"My lady (in your case gentleman) doth protest too much" - Shakespeare. Yes you are an expert - it matters not in how many people's eyes, and just accept the accolade as it's offered. So there - that's told you!

You see, you've done it again: we are all in the same boat trying to make the best of things and shedding a little happiness or knowledge where we can (paraphrase of your post) - and you reckon you're not an expert? - phooey.

Back at the ranch, I reckon we are talking end September - so, with you and son and daughter all the way.


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Re: Celebrating the elderly/better question-better answer

In reply to: Celebrating the elderly

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And
what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"
the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer

The reporter should have asked "What is the most annoying thing about being 104?" to which she could have replied..

"Too much peer pressure!" Happy

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