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Catholic elementary school test

by Rosalie / April 8, 2004 6:13 AM PDT

If you know the Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments.

The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and
700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the lord were called the
12 decibels.

22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

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Re:Catholic elementary school test
by Mary Kay / April 8, 2004 10:44 PM PDT

It gave me a nice smile, after all the somber news of late. Thank you

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(NT) Where is Dan with his misplaced sanctimony when you need him?
by Evie / April 9, 2004 5:56 AM PDT

.

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What is your well-earned bitterness causing you to go on about now? -nt

.

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Re:What is your well-earned bitterness causing you to go on about now? -nt

#25 bears quite a resemblence to one of the things poked fun at in the Muslim thread to which you took such exception.

Some monogamous Christians might find this offensive if they didn't have a sense of humor don't you think?

And no, I didn't find it offensive, but you should if you are to be consistent.

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I wasn't offended; I didn't even read down that far.

I just found it kind of tedious and predictable. I doubt its authenticity. It seems to be catholics having fun with catholics. It is obviously an attempt, regardless of its level of success, at humor. It's silly and stupid, not hateful.

You should lighten up a little, Evie, you're going to give yourself an ulcer.

Dan

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