Gosh! Now all the politicians are guaranteed outside jobs!
May 23, 2005 WASHINGTON, DC (AP) Congress approved sweeping legislation which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law by President John Kerry shortly after its passage by Congress, is being hailed as a major victory by the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Kerry, a longtime AWNA supporter.
"This is why many of them voted for me. We will no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some special knowledge or skill", said Kerry.
President Kerry pointed to the success of the US Postal Service which has a long standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 80 percent of postal employees lack job
skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.
Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include Radio Shack (52%), retail food stores (61%),and fast food chains (85%).
President Kerry has also set a personal example by appointing hundreds of Not abled people to government positions, including many cabinet level jobs.
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of
purpose and performance. In fact, a new department has been created whose sole function is the development of such titles. The initial task before that department was to pick a name for itself, and results are
expected within the first six months of operation.
Mandatory non-performance based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.
The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in top positions and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or
"Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?" and "Are you awake?"
"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her
lack of skills and general apathy. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions more of the unwilling and untalented can finally see a light at the end of