That's my family, but it was uncle Ralphie
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
stories. There were all the regular type stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved. But then teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie
was left "Ernie, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen.
She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.
She shot fifteen of them with the gun unt il she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher.
"What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the f--- away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking.