Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly,
elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young
boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you
cheat on your wife, and
you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think
you're a big shot when
you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more
than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy,
bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal
relationship with anyone and his
law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with
three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to
approach the bench, and in
a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll
throw your sorry rear in jail
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