It's entirely too envasive. And you have limited control over what it does as you are finding out. Get Yahoo! IM or ICQ.
Just downloaded the latest update by AOL Instant Messenger(AIM). Even though I have unchecked "Start AOL Today" window at start up it still comes on.
Also I think it wise when updating, to uncheck, Weatherbug, Wildtangent and pop upo blocker from downloading.