Some young girls look at the world and see Paris Hilton, or Lindsay Lohan or some pop star or one of the endless bimbos and arm candy and think that that is exercising power. Some of them look at Madeleine Albright or Hillary Clinton or several University Presidents and think that is power and choose that direction.
The Kennedy Men all exercised their "power" the way Dad taught them. Though politically they were all very astute.
But that's only half the story, infidelity occurs in about 57% of men and 54% of women
In the Wikipedia article on Infidelity many aspects are discussed, but the most common ones to emerge are role reversals, the desire of men to be nurturing to their mistress, the desire of women to break out of the conventional mould with their boy toy.
I have personally experienced what I considered really odd responses. 6 months after we married, one of Nancy's co-workers made a very strong and explicit play for me. Why? She was very attractive and as far as I was concerned could have had anybody she wanted, but she wanted me. Was it her form of a power game, beating a competing female? There were two or three more subtle plays from other women, despite the fact that we were known to be married. So far as I know or Nancy has mentioned, nobody made a play for her.
Secondarily, within a year of our getting married, Nancy lost virtually all interest in my interests, the things that made me happy or feel good, As pretty much everybody here knows the biggest of these is music. She returned to playing Carole King records and Peter Frampton etc which was a bit alienating but then she began to belittle me aloud, in front of my friends when I was playing, particularly with other people, because when I'm playing with somebody I'm unfamiliar with I go very interior, very into my head and my eyes don't focus, because I'm wondering where he's going to go with his playing and whether I should play harmony or a contrasting lead or where the piece of music ought to end and how. Almost everybody has seen a pick up group get into a trainwreck at the end of a song, even a familiar one because endings are structured, and you have to fit into the pattern, or you keep leading into the end of the song, and somebody plays something which doesn't end the song.
On the other hand, I continued learning what she was learning but it wasn't as much fun, and the enjoyment came from interaction with other people, particularly the big internist who, when his residents couldn't answer the question would turn to me, an orderly or technician, for the answer which I gave in detail. Now it's not that hard if you've got a decent brain, and you've heard the questions dozens of times each, but the guy really liked me and my way of speaking (very obviously university educated) so he ended up being the one who made my wife's work fun for me.
When my son came along, I was very frightened of the concept of being a parent, but Nancy just couldn't connect with the infant, so I became the Mom, the nurturer, the interpreter of cries and noises and babbling and turning it into language. I was the guy who could put any baby to sleep. It became kind of a party trick, even in the Pediatrics ward which was near where my office was. The nurses had a 3 day old with "failure to thrive" which is kind of a post birth trauma. If a baby is held securely and is treated confidently they settle down and stop worrying about their new unfamiliar environment. We used No Name Kleenex which came in a bright yellow box with big black letters. While we were changing his diaper, he'd watch that box, squirming as we rolled him around to keep his head and his eyes focussed on that box, so the box stayed there for the next year or more, in the same place so that his world was developing structure. To put him to sleep during fretful times, I placed him face down on the bed (a real no-no now) and patted his back, but strongly and in odd rhythms especially 3 out of 4, 3 pats and then a missed one, then three and a space again. So I asked about the little boy who was crying (and nobody was in there with him) and they said he'd been crying for three days, and had dropped 1/3 of his body weight which is really serious, so I said, I'll put him to sleep, and I got that look. The one women give men who think they can do things only women are supposed to do. So I went in his room, and cuddled him and danced him around the room a bit singing Sur le Pont d"Avignon which is a 3 strong beat with one weak beat song, holding him firmly. Then I put him face down, and continued patting in time, and 20 minutes later I walked out to the Nurses station and said "He's asleep." They all looked at one another and went running for the room, and he was nicely asleep and stayed asleep for 4 hours. He woke up with a cry, I asked for his milk or formula and gave it to him, talking to him and making lots of eye contact and bouncing him a little, then I burped him and put him down and put him asleep for another 4 hours. The staff in Paeds never entirely got over that.
Nancy was not a happy camper from infancy to about 8 years old though she did very well once he turned about 10, and was better than I was in dealing with his adolescent years, not because there were problems, but because she could figure out how to talk to him without making him self conscious whereas I was too direct.
The way Nancy fed her emptiness was to spend money, and eventually that killed our relationship. I spent money too, but mine was on the walls as Japanese art, or on the shelves as Records, or stereo equipment or TV/VCR stuff. I still don't know where Nancy spends her money. She earns more than $100,000 a year, but can't come up with $300 a month for me from now 'til the end of the year. She can't find $2100 between now and December 1st, boy do I feel treated with contempt. I rented this place based on her promise because I knew i couldn't afford it. Instead of the house I put $130,000 into out of $235,000 back about 1994, we have nothing, no savings for Robbie's University, no retirement funds for me. I've got a nice apartment, but it's very expensive on a Disability Pension, and she's got a nice penthouse apartment that costs $1350 a month, but she has trouble making ends meet. She's behind on her taxes. i always tried to teach her that I needed financial security, but she deliberately made us less and less secure until I blew up at her and the police were called. I was out of the house and gone that day in January 2006 and have never been back except to collect some of my possessions.
Now as tangential as that is, it is still about the peculiar things people to make them selves feel good or feel secure. I loved finding new music, sometimes I bought albums based just on the cover. The first Dire Straits album was like that at Schoolkids Records. They had 3 British imports, and I looked at the cover and went, there's something here, and boy was I right. Anybody remember Cindy Bullens? She was a one hit wonder, but I bought it on the basis of the cover thinking Nancy's going to like this. and I was right again.
Finding stuff that I like, and sharing it with other people, especially the ones who don't think they're going to like it, and succeeding is a great feeling. It's why I thought I'd be a good teacher, and had my health held up til my dissertation was finished, I would have been at some University. And I could have gently led the kids away from the United States is the most perfect country in the world, and has never made a mistake, which still stalks the halls of many Universities. People just skip over the Spanish American War by talking about Teddy Roosevelt, and not the head-hunting in the Philipines carried out by American troops, And they pass right over Nicaragua in the 1930's when the US Marines routinely committed atrocities and documented them in books that nobody reads. There is so much knowledge out there that we should all live 3 lifetimes just to learn enough to look at things now and go "This IS Wrong." 50 years from now, or earlier if I finish my dissertation, people are going to say "Didn't they see what the consequences of those actions would be??"
Rob 2 AM, a little woozy because my stomach is upset.