Speakeasy forum

General discussion

A Grave Situation

by Diane Harrison / August 2, 2004 1:17 AM PDT

I might as well share with you all. In retrospect, I guess it was kind of funny. (BTW, yes, it is legal to do in this state so long as it's in your own yard, for those who are wondering).

Last night my husband, daughter and I went over to our other house, which is about to close in the final days of escrow. We were picking up the last of our stuff there and doing some general maintenance since the property has been empty for awhile. While the house is in escrow, we are allowing it to still be shown so that we can have back-up offers available should this escrow not go through. As a result, the for-sale sign is still up.

My purpose in being there was to collect my Grandmother. When Grandma died years ago, she was cremated and I was given the box with her remains. The only thing she really liked was being with us, so I figured that she would be happiest in our front yard. We buried her box of remains with a little ceremony, and the kids and I put rocks and flowers from our outtings on her "grave." I also grew seasonal flowers over her, ones I knew she liked. (BTW, yes, it is legal to do in this state so long as it'sin your own yard, for those who are wondering).

Fast-forward through time, and for nearly three years now, my in-laws had lived in that house. They did their own thing there, and as a result, they destroyed the tribute to Grandma, as well as the markers I had set out to "mark the spot" for later removal. Bottom line: I can't exactly find where Grandma is now since they changed all the items over her grave.

So last night, my mission was to find and retrieve Grandma. When we arrive at the house, there is a car in the driveway and a young woman with two small kids trying to view the house on her own. I have my daughter show her around while I use what's left of the fading light to start digging for Grandma.

I've got a hole dug about 7 feet long by 3 feet wide, and I'm going to town, digging deeper, with dirt frantically flying, and Grandma still eluding me, when out come my daughter and the woman with her kids.

My daughter means to be nice and check on me, but doesn't think this quite through enough. They stop on the driveway and my daughter yells to me, "How are you doing? Have you found her yet?" I pause long enough to see the woman get this shocked look on her face and hurriedly usher the kids into her car and leave. I figure it probably would not have helped much by then, to tell her and the young kids that it's only the remains of the body, not the whole body I buried there. Happy

This is just a guess, but I'm thinking maybe she won't put a backup offer on the house now. LOL

Discussion is locked
You are posting a reply to: A Grave Situation
The posting of advertisements, profanity, or personal attacks is prohibited. Please refer to our CNET Forums policies for details. All submitted content is subject to our Terms of Use.
Track this discussion and email me when there are updates

If you're asking for technical help, please be sure to include all your system info, including operating system, model number, and any other specifics related to the problem. Also please exercise your best judgment when posting in the forums--revealing personal information such as your e-mail address, telephone number, and address is not recommended.

You are reporting the following post: A Grave Situation
This post has been flagged and will be reviewed by our staff. Thank you for helping us maintain CNET's great community.
Sorry, there was a problem flagging this post. Please try again now or at a later time.
If you believe this post is offensive or violates the CNET Forums' Usage policies, you can report it below (this will not automatically remove the post). Once reported, our moderators will be notified and the post will be reviewed.
Collapse -
(NT) (NT) i can 'dig' it :-)
by jonah jones / August 2, 2004 1:26 AM PDT
In reply to: A Grave Situation
Collapse -
This is really weird
by James Denison / August 2, 2004 1:32 AM PDT
In reply to: A Grave Situation

I have a sneaky suspicion that your inlaws dumped granny's ashes, cleaned the urn, and sold it at a flea market. Granny's gonna be pissed!

Collapse -
Re: This is really weird
by Diane Harrison / August 2, 2004 1:37 AM PDT
In reply to: This is really weird

Well, they DID try to get rid of my family's Christmas ornaments, so. . . Wink

Yep, if Grandma's missing, I'm sure she is giving everyone around her in her new locale the eternal What-For! LOL

Collapse -
Metal detector Diane?
by SteveGargini / August 2, 2004 5:11 AM PDT

Just an idea.
If the urn is made of metal, or is partly constructed with it, then a metal detector should find it unless it is buried very deeply.
Scan all possible places with ease.
Good Luck
Steve

Collapse -
Re: A Grave Situation
by Mary Kay / August 2, 2004 1:46 AM PDT
In reply to: A Grave Situation

This is veryyyyy funny. Thanks. Good luck with the house sale

Collapse -
Re: A Grave Situation
by Evie / August 2, 2004 1:53 AM PDT
In reply to: A Grave Situation

Well here's hoping the current sale goes through smoothly LOL. That was a hoot, I would have loved to see this woman's face. Hope you find Granny. What kind of box was it? Any chance it has decomposed in the interim?

Evie Happy

Collapse -
Re: A Grave Situation/Oops!!!!! LOL
by Glenda / August 2, 2004 3:30 AM PDT
In reply to: Re: A Grave Situation

That just reminded me, we still have Jim's Dad in the store room!! I think he is happy tho:)
Glenda

Collapse -
Re: A Grave Situation/Oops!!!!! LOL
by Evie / August 2, 2004 6:12 AM PDT

I guess I should be glad I wasn't relegated to sleep there when I visited Wink

Evie Happy

Collapse -
Re: A Grave Situation/Oops!!!!! LOL
by Glenda / August 2, 2004 7:10 AM PDT

LOL Maybe next time????
Sue
PS with the girls??

Collapse -
Re: A Grave Situation
by Dick White / August 2, 2004 3:51 AM PDT
In reply to: A Grave Situation

Yes, humor is where you find it. But don't think losing track of a burial location is unique to a D-I-Y interment... It happened to us a few weeks ago in a regular graveyard. We had decided to move a relative from the cemetary where he was buried 60 years ago to the new family plot in the local cemetary. After reviewing photographs from the funeral several years ago of the first burial in this plot to determine exactly where that urn had been placed (using certain trees and nearby gravestones as reference points), we decided this grave should go on the right side of Grandma's spot.

The morning of the reinterment, we went over to meet the hearse from the former cemetary, and found the diggers halfway done with the hole in the wrong place. Seems they had no idea what was where in the ground, so they just dug the new hole where they were pretty sure they wouldn't hit anything else. Somebody went back to the house to get the old photos, bring them back to the cemetary, show them to the backhoe operator, and then dig a new hole in the right place...

Hope you find your Grandma.
dw

Collapse -
(NT) (NT) now thats funny
by Mark G / August 2, 2004 4:30 AM PDT
In reply to: A Grave Situation
Collapse -
Re: A Grave Situation
by John Robie / August 2, 2004 4:44 AM PDT
In reply to: A Grave Situation

Around 60 years ago when I was a kid, my uncle used to take us way out in the country where he visited some elderly relatives who still lived on property owned over 150 years ago by ancestors of my mother.
We would be on a gravel road and as we approached the fence line at the beginning of the property he would point over to a family grave yard where you could still see crosses about 150 yards away. He said his youngest sister, grandfather, and relatives dating back to before the civil war were buried there. Around 25 years ago I tried to find those graves with no results. The area had seemed to be taken over by brush, trees, and covered by dirt sediment of natures time.

While searching, a man who was leasing the property for several years grazing cattle, saw my vehicle and walked out to see what I was doing (he was packing). Finding out that I was still an inheritor of a very small percentage of the property, he was very friendly and said he never had run across any evidence of a graveyard.

Several years ago, another Uncle who is now 86 years old (last surviving uncle), told me that he also could no longer find the graveyard (it is located some distance from where we lived). While talking to him he said the State had put a new highway in which took in just a small portion of the family property and while a grader was clearing, dug up some graves. They notified him and other surviving relatives that the state would transport and rebury in a distant cemetery at no cost and wanted permission to do so. My uncle refused permission as he never liked for the State to take a small portion of the property in the first place. Other relatives apparent did give their OK and the remains were remove and properly buried.

Don't know why I posted this....just felt like it.

JR

Collapse -
Yippee!!! We found Grandma!!!
by Diane Harrison / August 2, 2004 2:29 PM PDT
In reply to: A Grave Situation

A little more digging tonight and there she was, thank goodness. Those containers are only plastic, but look like metal. We'll transfer her into a nice box and then have to decide where to put her at this house.

I read John Robie's story with interest. We used to own some property in Ten Mile, Oregon when I was in high school. There was a very old graveyard directly across the street from it. I'd go over and visit the "residents" and bring them wild flowers each time we were there. I actually copied down the tombstone inscriptions because they were so old and the markers were very interesting. Some I even traced from the tombstones themselves with charcoal and paper.

After a few years of this, the tombstones I knew were the oldest just up and disappeared. Gone. My parents had seen them too and the mystery was so great that we traced them down to the local historical society. They claimed that no tombstones of that era (late 1800's) had been present in Oregon and they didn't think they existed at that location. I had the tracings and names to prove they did though. The historical society suggested maybe someone made up all those tombstones as a prank. Sure. . .in the middle of the most godforsaken area imaginable, with no real town for miles, and a cemetery way off the beaten paths with no markers to even let anyone know it was there. Yeah, real likely for an expensive prank - not! We never did solve that mystery, and to this day, I wonder if the tombstones were taken by people selling the old headstones for profit, or if the historical society was mistaken.

The upshot was that Charlotte Woolsey and her sister (I think her name was Agnes) and a 13 year old boy named Gabriel, are forever lost to history now, along with a goodly number of other deniizens of that same cemetery. Charlotte and her sister died about age 16 and 17 as I recall. Apparently an illness ran through the local settlement at that time, since the stones noted the causes of death, and many of the folks there died in the same few months. I still have some of the tracings around here somewhere.

They may be lost to history, but not forgotten so long as we remember them, John Happy

Collapse -
Re: Yippee!!! We found Grandma!!!
by James Denison / August 2, 2004 7:05 PM PDT

You should contact the Woolsey family group on the geneology sites. Someone may be interested in that information. If nothing else you could drop a line about what you know in reference to the names on the tombstones.

Congrats on finding granny.

Collapse -
Re: Yippee!!! We found Grandma!!!
by Dave Konkel [Moderator] / August 3, 2004 12:05 AM PDT

Hi, Diane.

Glad you found her. Before reburying, why not put some metal in with her (perhaps in a baggie) so a metal detector would help if there's a next time.

-- Dave K, Speakeasy Moderator
click here to email semods4@yahoo.com

The opinions expressed above are my own,
and do not necessarily reflect those of CNET!

Collapse -
That's very strange - I mentioned a metal detector
by SteveGargini / August 3, 2004 6:05 AM PDT

earlier - great minds think alike - Sad
Oh sorry, forgot us british are suppose to be a load of dummies. Sad

Collapse -
In whose book are British dummies, Steve?!!!!
by Diane Harrison / August 3, 2004 10:50 AM PDT

If I recall correctly, the only group we are up to insulting are the French these days LOL. And I happen to know that you are anything but a dummy!!!! Between you, Mo, Trevor, DaveEx, Jonah, and a lot of others, we are very well represented by some great minds! (I feel bad because I know I am missing some I meant to include on that list, but it's been a long day!)

*Of course, y'all had a little learning curve since you marched in straight lines, wearing red uniforms and playing music while we sniped at you from behind trees!* Wink

Collapse -
Well there you go Diane :)
by SteveGargini / August 3, 2004 11:01 AM PDT

Going back 200+ years when we were over on your side of the big pond, we must have looked like ducks at a fair ground marching along.
Knock down five brits and you won a cuddly bear. Happy
Steve

Collapse -
Re: That's very strange - I mentioned a metal detector
by David Evans / August 3, 2004 10:55 AM PDT

> Oh sorry, forgot us british are suppose to be a load of dummies.

I don't know who thinks that, certainly not me.

DE

Collapse -
Thanks Dave for your support -
by SteveGargini / August 3, 2004 11:11 AM PDT

I worry sometimes when the U.K puts up with all the crap that the E.U throws at us.
I would rather become a state of the U.S.A than a state of the E.U.
I just hope our politicians wake up to what they would love to see in froggy land.

Collapse -
Re: Thanks Dave for your support -
by Diane Harrison / August 3, 2004 11:24 AM PDT

Sneak in through California, Steve - everyone else seems to with few problems. . . Although we would have to teach you to speak "real" English - that stuff you guys speak other there just doesn't sound quite normal LOL!

Collapse -
I doubt if I could sneak into an elephants tea party :)
by SteveGargini / August 3, 2004 11:40 AM PDT

Had a bit of a shock the other day - stupid me jumped on the scales - 17 stone - hells bells - still at least I don't weigh as much as my late father - 18 stone - things are definitely a bit dodgy.
Bought an electric scooter a few months back - wondered why the thing ground to a halt - I know now Happy
Steve

Collapse -
Re: I doubt if I could sneak into an elephants tea party :)
by Diane Harrison / August 3, 2004 12:11 PM PDT

Giggling like mad at the idea of you compared to a bunch of rocks! LOL Had to look that one up. That's only 238 pounds according to the on-line converter. Unless you're a midget, I don't think you have a problem at all, Steve! Happy

A goodly amount of the people here are mountains, if you are stones, Steve, so come on over!

Collapse -
Thanks Diane
by SteveGargini / August 3, 2004 12:58 PM PDT

I am going to do some serious working out to get a few pounds off. I certainly want to look fit for all those beautiful Californian girls. Happy
Yep! 238lbs = 17 stones.
I thought you may have had 'stones' over there but obviously not.
Officially most things are now measured in grams, kgs, etc. but I still think in lbs, stones, hundred weights, tons. 14lbs to a stone. 8 stone to a cwt (hundred weight) 20 cwt to a tons.
It does my head in at the shops. Something weights say 450 grms and I have to convert in my head to work out the old weight. 1 kg is just over 2 lbs, therefore 450 grms is about a 1 lb in weight. It's a nightmare. Sad

Collapse -
What's keeping you there?
by James Denison / August 3, 2004 11:35 AM PDT

Why not emigrate? Talk to Trevor Evans about that, he's from Britain, lives not too many miles from me.

Collapse -
Re: What's keeping you there?
by SteveGargini / August 3, 2004 12:05 PM PDT

If England becomes a republic of europe, the idea of emigrating will become extremely attractive.
I will give that idea some serious thought.
Better spruce up on the CGI programming though. Happy

Collapse -
Re: That's very strange - I mentioned a metal detector

Hi, Steve.

Clearly a case of great minds running in parallel channels -- I hadn't read past the initial message when I replied. As for the shooting gallery, what can you expect when you insist on standing up like a target wearing a bright red coat? Happy

-- Dave K, Speakeasy Moderator
click here to email semods4@yahoo.com

The opinions expressed above are my own,
and do not necessarily reflect those of CNET!

Collapse -
We must have looked like tin soldiers all in a line
by SteveGargini / August 3, 2004 1:30 PM PDT

Thank goodness they changed the battle tactics since then. At least we dig holes now to jump into. Happy
I am still trying to work out who carries the shovels. Happy

Collapse -
Re: A Grave Situation
by Diana Forum moderator / August 3, 2004 12:17 AM PDT
In reply to: A Grave Situation

You should do like my girlfriend. She had a stone bench built with hollow legs. She has her husband and MIL in two of the legs. She says she will be in another one. That way her daughter can go on the patio and sit near her loved-ones.

click here to email semods4@yahoo.com

Collapse -
Re: A Grave Situation
by Diane Harrison / August 3, 2004 1:44 AM PDT
In reply to: Re: A Grave Situation

That's a lovely idea! It wouldn't work in case though because my mother couldn't stand her mother (Grandma) , and those are the two I have to "docorate" with at the moment. The family is white Russian (as opposed to red/Communist) and was of the royal/ruling class with servants and all that before the Communists took it all and killed the other family, and before they managed to come here. The prevailing attitude in that society was that women were absolutely useless except for cooking and cleaning. They had their share of wolves back home to dispose of them, but I guess there weren't enough in California to work with since I'm still here LOL.

That was my mother's beef with my mother, that Grandma adored my uncle (killed years ago), and ignored my mother all her life. The sparks literally flew between them as a result. I never understood how bad it really was until we were packing up my grandmother's possessions and my mother was gleefully dumping gold icons in the dumpster and destroying all the past of my Grandmother. We tried to retrieve them, but missed quite a bit of stuff from what I can tell. When I found the famly photos, I understood finally. They were a shrine to my uncle, and the ONLY pictures of my mother were incidental ones where she happened to be in the picture with the beloved brother/son.

Grandma did the same thing to me, although we got along. When I graduated law school, she wanted to know when I would do something useful with my life like be a secretary (same hope my mother held out). When I graduated the police academy, my grandmother screamed and closed the door on me and would not allow me in the house in uniform, yelling, "KGB!" The ONLY useful thing I apparently ever did was to marry my husband, since it provided a man for them to look up to LOL.

Ironicaly, as much as my mother hated her mother's attitude towards women, the older she got, and as Alzheimers set in, she picked up the exact same attitude.

I still have the family towels that they used. They are very long linen towels engraved with the family crest. By long, I mean 10' long+. The father got to wipe with the towel first, followed by every male son from oldest to youngest, then the mother, then the daughters in descending age from oldest to youngest. That gives you a very concrete idea of how the women were regarded.

No, I have to bury one in the front yard, and one in the back or some such deal here just on the off chance that the eternal bickering would continue LOL. I'd hate to have a whole patch of my flower garden in between their wrath suddenly die out as the war among the women continues Wink I WILL bury them will a metal box this time as Dave suggests though. Would hate to go through this search again LOL!

Popular Forums
icon
Computer Newbies 10,686 discussions
icon
Computer Help 54,365 discussions
icon
Laptops 21,181 discussions
icon
Networking & Wireless 16,313 discussions
icon
Phones 17,137 discussions
icon
Security 31,287 discussions
icon
TVs & Home Theaters 22,101 discussions
icon
Windows 7 8,164 discussions
icon
Windows 10 2,657 discussions

Does BMW or Volvo do it best?

Pint-size luxury and funky style

Shopping for a new car this weekend? See how the BMW X2 stacks up against the Volvo XC40 in our side-by-side comparison.