A British couple, an Irish couple and a Scottish couple are at the links ready to tee off. The Brit's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to place ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
"Allo! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to buy any!"
The Brit immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of St. Paul, here's $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Beje sus woman! You've no knickers! Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me!"
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of St. Patrick, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too is naked under it.
"Hoots mon woman! Why d'ye have nae knickers?!"
She too explains, "You nae give me enough housekeeping money to be able to afford any!"
The Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of St. Andrew, lass, here's a comb. Tidy yourself up a wee bit."
No offence to any Rednecks in this joke
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body was that of a Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body was a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Mississippi, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken."
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
A Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine.
At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. He takes his shoes outside and rubs them in the grass, then proceeds home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where have you been?" "Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." She sees his shoes are covered with grass and "You liar! You went golfing again!"
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