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YouTube sensation shows how to online date (not)

A YouTube video that purports to be part of an eHarmony dating profile (but surely isn't) offers some clues how not to create an online dating profile. It has already enjoyed more than 4 million views.

You might be one of those who has been taken aback today that Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg is, according to an interview Bill Gates gave to the Daily Mail, now engaged.

You might therefore wish to renew your efforts to find the wealthy lover of your dreams online. Fortunately there is a YouTube video that is currently underlining some of the stresses of creating an online video profile.

It has, indeed, so moved the world's lonely and forlorn that it has already enjoyed more than 4 million views.

The video purports to be part of an eHarmony profile. It surely isn't. However, as this alleged recent Villanova MBA graduate begins to explain who she is and just how much she loves cats, you might find yourself wondering just how deep your sympathy for your fellow man and woman flows.

The poster of the video is called Cara Hartmann, who appears to be the same Cara Hartmann responsible for another video, called Cara and Kara, in which she performs with two heads perched on her shoulders.

Still, attempting to interest someone online is not an easy process. You must decide just how much Cara moves you. However, I confess I have recently been involved in helping a friend create an online profile. His inducement to me: "You've made a lot of ads. Get on with it and I'll buy you a beer."

Within that quote lies just a little of the problem. Though those words might sound brusque, George (you think I'd use his real name?) is actually a very personable and sensitive human being. This despite being an engineer by birth.

His first attempt at a profile, like that of Cara the cat-lover, was such an outpouring of his unedited inner psyche that the occasional girl was moved to reply just to tell him how dull and self-regarding he sounded.

So, once I'd got my payment in advance (and shared several more payments with George), we worked out a way to present his good parts, so much so that, well, let me just say that things are going much better for him.

Here are the three Technically Incorrect Online Video Profile-Creation Rules on the basis of this one experience. 1) Lighting means a lot. People are stunningly superficial. If you make yourself look good on screen, they're prepared to forgive a lot. Find a professional if you can. Work out which your best angle is.

2) Don't talk with a high voice. Whether you're a boy or a girl, high voices just don't do it when it comes to dating. Often, people can't help their high pitch. Sometimes, however, their voices get higher when they are less than relaxed. Whether you're a boy or a girl, practice talking like George Clooney.

Which leaves me to the most important--No. 3: Make sure you have at least one alcoholic drink before taping your little movie.

You'll be amazed just how likeable you become. You'll be amazed how much less important what you have to say becomes. You'll be astounded just how relatively unegotistical you will suddenly appear. And you'll be astonished at how your voice suddenly finds a lower, more alluring note.

It works pretty well in real life, doesn't it? So why shouldn't it work on eHarmony?