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When your spaceship is in distress

It's not a Lightsaber, but it'll pass

Hammacher Schlemmer

So you're ready to take on the world with your Lightsaber phone and MP3 Lightsaber. But wait--your Millennium Falcon develops engine trouble. What's a Jedi to do?

Why, whip out your Safety Wand and Megaphone, of course--"a safety beacon that amplifies your voice up to five football fields away," as Uber-Review says. It's not an official piece of equipment from the Lucas empire, but it sure could have fooled us. (Do we hear the pitter-patter of trademark attorneys?)

Anyway, at least your ship has been rescued. And good thing you didn't have a date in the car with you. That could have been embarrassing.