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Verizon's network is ancient, says T-Mobile

Commentary: In a new, biting ad, T-Mobile suggests Verizon is a bit of an old dog.

Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.

Can you teach an old dog new tricks?

T-Mobile/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

It's a new year, so you might expect cellphone carriers to wish each other well.

You might also expect Carrot Top to be the new secretary-general of the United Nations.

No sooner has 2017 seen pharma bro Martin Shkreli have dog poop tossed at him than T-Mobile comes out to lob dirt at Verizon.

In a new ad, the self-styled Uncarrier accuses Verizon of being dog-eared.

Here we see a dog watching soft dog porn on a phone. Suddenly, his Verizon data runs out. "Why doesn't Verizon offer unlimited data like T-Mobile?" he gruffs.

"Is it because their LTE network was built six years ago?" wonders another pooch. Six years, explains a third dog, is like 100 in phone years.

T-Mobile explains that Verizon's network is slow as well as old, whereas T-Mobile's is apparently shiny and sharp.

This is merely the latest chapter in what is now a years-long saga of carriers insisting they are better than their rivals, by denigrating those rivals as much as their lawyers will let them.

Verizon hasn't been immune from this sniping.

What, though, does Verizon think about this latest mudslinging?

"The word for the day is 'logic," a Verizon spokesman told me. "No matter how you spin it, our six-year lead in providing 4G LTE is a huge advantage to consumers, and strengthening our network with LTE-Advanced in 450 cities pulled Verizon further ahead."

He wasn't done: "You remain a discount network by investing in cute ads rather than improving your spotty network."

T-Mobile has already begun the year by insisting that having AT&T is like having fleas crawling in your hair.

Meanwhile consumers just wander about the world hoping their phones will show the movie, the big game or the music video that they're so desperate to enjoy right this second.

I fear they may skip any ads thrust at them.

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