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Uber gets all soft and cuddly in new commercial

Technically Incorrect: That company you thought was chilly, hard-nosed and even threatening is actually really mushy. At least that's what its new ad says.

Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that's taken over our lives.

Isn't he cuddly? Uber/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

"They hate us. We've actually managed to get them to hate us."

"But that's what I thought we were trying to do."

"We were. But then we realized that the people who ride in our cars might be the people who hate us. What are we going to do?"

"Just go all mushy like Apple's latest."

This, I imagine, was the conversation at Uber Mansions before its new ad was concocted. Ever since the company was accused of threatening one journalist at a dinner and tracking another through her Uber usage, there's been a certain odor around Uber.

So it's decided to show its human, cuddly side. Which some might suspect is a touch tiny.

Still, please partake of an experiment with me. Watch this new ad first just listening to the sound and ask yourself if it doesn't ring of Apple. Then watch the pictures and wonder whether it isn't even more like a recent Apple ad.

The oeuvre itself offers the philosophy of a veritable guru. A guru who's been writing ads a little too long.

"We're all going somewhere," says the voice, with a tone that suggests he's just said: "Here is the secret of life."

And wait, aren't some of us convinced we're going nowhere? Is nowhere somewhere too? Please UberWittgenstein, tell me.

He's only just started: "We're all working towards something." Well, that we are. In your case, you might be working to make enough money as an Uber driver. In Uber's case, it's working towards making more money than you could fit into all the cars in the world.

"We have people to see, possibilities to pursue," continues UberWittgenstein.

I feel sure that "possibilities to pursue" doesn't refer to the possibility that Uber is still intent on pursuing the possibility of, say, spying on journalists.

The whole thing is deftly pitched at the idealism inherent in every millennial. Or, at least, every millennial whose shares haven't yet vested.

It certainly won't hurt to have a little unctuousness out there to show good intentions. Even if those good intentions are couched in a tinge of commercial angst.

Now remember kids, give your Uber driver a maximum score of 5. Because now you know that he's really, really nice.