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The vending machine that dispenses caviar

What else can the busy modern human need than a vending machine that dispenses the essentials, like caviar and truffles?

Eternally useful.
Beverly HIlls Caviar/Facebook

We have finally dispensed with the idea that there is any difference between the 1 percent and the 99.

How moving, then, that some of life's utter essentials are now being dispensed to everyone. Well, everyone who can afford them, that is.

It is with stomach-tightening joy that I bring you news of a vending machine that has been placed in the Burbank Towne Center. This is a vending machine that brings all of America's social classes together and gathers them around foods without which they cannot live -- like caviar, truffles, and escargot.

I was moved to unnatural motions when CBS Los Angeles informed me that this refined piece of technology sold such exotic items.

Indeed, the Gourme TFood Facebook page offers that this machine also has Bottarga, Blinis and Mother of Pearl Plates and Spoons.

It also tells me that there are two more such machines, one in the Topanga Westfield Mall and another at Century City Mall.

This is the brainchild of Beverly Hills Caviar, which proudly displays the machine on its own Facebook page.

You might be wondering how much loose change you might need to pay for one of these very fine items.

Well, apparently, the cheapest is around $50, but you can easily spend $500 on something that might uplift your lover's spirits or your chances of having a lover at all.

It's reassuring to know that the methods used by the unwashed masses are now being embraced by those once thought to live gated existences.

I feel sure that, very soon, you will be able to buy engagement rings, tiaras, mink coats and leather bodices amid all the excitement of the mall -- but without the interruption of some obsequious store assistant.