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The man who really knows what will happen with Facebook

The Facebook situation is so desperate that someone has to guide the world. Who better to ask than the Amazing Kreskin, the man who predicts things with such ease that it's a wonder he's never wanted to go into politics.

The Amazing Kreskin appearing with Jimmy Fallon.
Hulu Screenshot: Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

He already knows who's going to win the election. He predicted the last one.

Just as he was right about the 2008 Super Bowl a full three days in advance.

So, with the tech world crumbling around its educated ears, my CNET handlers yanked at my dog collar and told me to talk to him. For the Amazing Kreskin would surely know what will happen with Facebook.

I called him. (I have most of the phone numbers of the rich and famous. Well, a couple.) And Kreskin has appeared with Jimmy Fallon (proof embedded here) so that counts as really famous.

In order to probe his objectivity, I first asked whether he had bought Facebook shares. Surely, he would have enjoyed enough connections to effect a few. He admitted that his investment adviser had asked whether he wanted to place some money into the House of Zuckerberg.

"The answer was honest and complex," he told me. "No."

But, goodness, I pleaded. Was this based on observable facts? Or was this, perhaps, based on some premonition? Kreskin is, after all, not a fortune teller, but a thought reader.

He read my thoughts -- the rational ones, at least: "The young who have success, well, not having the experience of life, there are always a few gaps."

He took the time to mention that he sympathized with Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin and his pain in having to live with "only $4 billion."

But then he offered his premonitions of Facebook's future. They are not optimistic.

"In six years' time, we won't even know Facebook is Facebook," he told me. "We'll have our own individual Facebook."

This sounded as much a pleasingly rational judgment as some remarkable thought-reading prediction. Ah, but then he revealed that one or two more people -- whom Zuckerberg currently doesn't know -- will come into Facebook and begin to alter its nature.

Who might there be? I thought I heard him say someone who was fired from Wall Street, but I can't be sure. I am pretty sure that he suggested it might be an older person. I know I heard the word "grandma."

Should people take their money out of Facebook, I wondered.

"No, but they shouldn't put their money in," he said.

But then we seemed no longer to be in a world of prediction. Kreskin said of Zuckerberg: "He has done us a service. He has cast a dark cloud. He has created a lack of trust."

So all those hucksters who went before him, all those bankers and Madoffs who made off with fortunes hadn't created a lack of trust? These thoughts I kept to myself. I didn't want to disturb the flow.

Thankfully, we can now rest assured that Facebook will change. For Kreskin has said so. But will the whole world continue to put all of its faith and life onto Facebook's fine pages?

"They will move on," Kreskin told me.

Quickly? "Slowly," he said.

So perhaps it's now time to put your money into something a little more traditional. Newspapers, perhaps.