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The Empire gloats over White House Death Star petition

The Galactic Empire claims we have demonstrated clear weakness with the Obama administration's refusal to build a planet-destroying weapon.

Eric Mack Contributing Editor
Contributing editor Eric Mack covers space, science, climate change and all things futuristic. His encrypted email for tips is ericcmack@protonmail.com.
Eric Mack
2 min read
The Galactic Empire is light saber rattling again, this time with a pointed jab at the White House. CNET

Poor President Obama. Not only does he have to deal with Congress, now he's also the target of some interstellar smack talk coming from none other than the Galactic Empire.

Recently, the White House responded to a petition on its "We the People" Web site calling for the federal government to construct an actual Death Star

The answer was a definitive no, citing budgetary constraints and the administration's opposition to blowing up planets.

"It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire," gloated Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories in a tongue-in-cheek release posted on the Star Wars blog. "Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine."

The release claims the Obama administration's deferral as proof of the Empire's own military superiority and questions the many quadrillion-dollar cost estimate for building a Death Star.

"The costs of construction they cited were ridiculously overestimated, though I suppose we must keep in mind that this miniscule planet does not have our massive means of production," Admiral Conan Motti of the Imperial Starfleet scoffs in the statement.

Perhaps, or perhaps the Galactic Empire doesn't have the same respect for fair labor laws and paying a living wage that we do. 

However, it is questionable how much our earthling leaders are interested in "We the People's" clear demands for expanding our intergalactic military presence. Shortly after issuing the response, the White House quadrupled the threshold of digital signatures required on a petition to compel a mandatory response from the government.

Sigh. It's going to take some real organization to get enough support for my pet project of replacing the Lincoln Memorial with a public Holodeck.