iPhone 14 Pro vs. Galaxy S22 Ultra HP Pavilion Plus Planet Crossword Pixel Watch Apple Watch Ultra AirPods Pro 2 iPhone 14 Pro Camera Best Android Phones
Want CNET to notify you of price drops and the latest stories?
No, thank you

The astoundingly cheesy iPhone app launch from Domino's

See what you make of Domino's Pizza Japan President Scott Oellkers as he grins and poses and, perhaps, sells his company's new iPhone app.

Cheese topping on that cheese?
Domino's Japan/YouTube; screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

In the world of "so bad, it's good," this may well qualify as bad. Or good.

It's Domino's Pizza selling a new iTunes app in Japan. Because if there's one thing pizza needs, it's an iPhone app.

Domino's wants you to know that no expense was spared in the creation of this app. So it wasn't going to sink to using Brad Pitt, Jack Nicholson, or Leonardo DiCaprio to sell it.

No, it was going to employ that versatile performer Scott Oellkers. Should you have been unaccountably held up in North Korea playing basketball, Oellkers is the president of Domino's Japan.

I am grateful to Gawker for having spotted this work of art, one that Gawker claims it found mesmerizing.

Well, car crashes, tornadoes, and "Real Housewives of Atlanta" can be mesmerizing too.

Here we have Oellkers behaving as if Mad Men still sit in ad agencies, smoking, drinking, and hanging themselves on the back of their office doors.

The way he offers that the Hatsune Miku iPhone app was made in conjunction with the nice people who heat up your pizza makes you believe that corporations really are wonderful places.

Then there are the close-ups of Oellker's eyes and his wild, wild eyebrows.

But it's when he pulls his iPhone out of his breast pocket and turns to camera that, I believe, the whole of Japan freezes in wonder. (I have frozen the shot above.)

How often do you have to practice to produce an expression that can only remind one of the fulsome dollops of cheese on many Domino's pizzas?

"Once your pizza's delivered, have some fun with Miku," he says with a grin that exists somewhere between that of a priest and a pimp.

I am sure there are cultural nuances that are not immediately evident to the lay viewer.

But lay down I must, after viewing this extraordinary slice of (corporate) life.