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Stephen Colbert finds your lightsaber hate disturbing

Colbert cements his status as the ultimate "Star Wars" fan, arguing that those who hate the new lightsaber from the "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" trailer are a bunch of scruffy-looking nerf herders.

Anthony Domanico
CNET freelancer Anthony Domanico is passionate about all kinds of gadgets and apps. When not making words for the Internet, he can be found watching Star Wars or "Doctor Who" for like the zillionth time. His other car is a Tardis.
Anthony Domanico
2 min read

There has been much ado about lightsabers on the Internet since the trailer for the upcoming "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" came out on Friday, and Stephen Colbert has now chimed in with the definitive defense of the unique lightsaber unveiled in the teaser.

Colbert is uniquely positioned to weigh in on the lightsaber debate, since he's been a "Star Wars" fan for at least two weeks longer than most other people. You see, Colbert won a radio show contest as an eighth grader that scored him advance-screening tickets to "Star Wars" in 1977, two weeks before the film was released. In Colbert's opinion, the lightsaber, which he calls the "menage a sabre" because of its three blades, is an awesome weapon that's earned undue criticism from some scruffy-looking nerf herders out there.

The lightsaber in question is wielded by an unidentified Jedi on the Dark Side, and essentially puts mini-lightsabers in the lightsaber's cross-guard, the part of the sword's hilt that somewhat protects the wielder's hand. Critics of the lightsaber argue that the wielder would almost certainly lose their hands the second another Jedi's blade hits that hilt.

Colbert's having none of that, arguing that it's actually the perfect design for a lightsaber. Instead of the blade being three separate blades, Colbert argues that it's actually just a single blade that extends through the hilt and is protected by a metal casing. If that's true, then your assailant's lightsaber might slice through the metal hilt, but it would be blocked by the blade hidden underneath, leaving your hand firmly attached to the rest of your body.

And for those who might be confused by Colbert's single-blade theory? Colbert says it will all make sense in two weeks when your "Star Wars" knowledge has caught up with his.

Watch out, saber haters, Stephen Colbert has done his homework on the value of the new lightsaber. Video screenshot by Anthony Domanico/CNET