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Samsung: iPad's bad, Surface is a joke, and Kindle's a swindle

In a new ad, Samsung decides to be an equal opportunity derider, because its Galaxy Pro range is perfect.

The shame of owning a Surface.
Samsung/YouTube; screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

For too long, tech manufacturers have mocked just one competitor at a time.

It allows for a little focus, but it becomes very monotonous.

Yes, Microsoft thinks the iPad's awful, Samsung thinks the iPhone's awful, and Amazon is sure the iPad's awful.

Someone at Samsung must have leaped out of bed recently and screamed: "I know! Why don't we say everyone else is awful?"

Here are the fruits of this thought. A new ad for the Samsung Galaxy Pro series of products proves beyond a reasonable doubt that everything else is garbage, trash, and the detritus of pathetic minds.

Even Judge Lucy Koh might stand and applaud.

Here we have various scenes in which owners of Apple's iPad, Microsoft's Surface, and Amazon's Kindle are reduced to jiggling, shamed flesh by demure, sophisticated owners of Samsung tablets.

The iPad can only task, not multitask. And its Retina thingy isn't half as good as Samsung's non-Retina thingy. The Kindle does books and books and books.

As for Surface, this comes across as a laptop that's been disassembled by a less than dextrous 5-year-old, but its bits are still connected by various cables.

If it has a keyboard like a laptop, a battery dock like a laptop, and a mouse like a laptop, then it's a laptop, right?

Some might wish to point out that Samsung's tablets aren't exactly free of potential criticisms. But I'll leave that to you. For this ad is all good, dirty fun.

Samsung's tablets have always enjoyed an image not dissimilar to your ball cock: possibly useful, but do I really care?

This is the first series of punches that might just have more than a few wondering if their own tablet is truly good for their image.