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Report: Elderly woman takes down Net in Georgia, Armenia

It seems that one only has to accidentally hack through one cable in order to bring the Internet of two countries to a halt.

If you ever felt like invading the Republic of Georgia--this is something that several Russians have contemplated over the years--I may have stumbled upon a way to knock out most of the whole country's Internet service.

This is useful in these absurdly connected times.

My ruse might also work in Armenia. And, who knows, several other countries of the world. You see, all you have to do is send out one elderly woman and tell her to look for scrap metal with gay abandon.

I am not making this up. Unless Agence France-Presse is. You see, the AFP is reporting that a 75-year-old lady in Ksani, somewhat north of the fine capital of Tbilisi, was, indeed, in search of scrap metal when she accidentally (or not) put most of Georgia's (and Armenia's) Internet into complete non-function.

Tbilisi, home to some disconnected Georgians recently. CC Thomas Dependbusch/Flickr

Did she accidentally hack into a cable, as she espied a juicy silver trophy abandoned at its side? Perhaps not.

For Georgian interior ministry spokesman Zura Gvenetadze told the AFP: "She found the cable while collecting scrap metal and cut it with a view to stealing it."

It must be very fine cable.

Most Georgians and Armenians apparently lost their Internet for up to 12 hours and Giorgi Ionatamishvili, the head of Georgian Railway Telecom's marketing department--Georgian Railway Telecom being the cable's owners--seemed bemused by the woman's power, audacity and sheer sleuthiness.

For he told the AFP: "I cannot understand how this lady managed to find and damage the cable."

Let's take the cutting part first. This cable can't have been all that strong if a woman of advanced years could cut straight through it.

Now for the finding part: Perhaps, sir, she needed to eat. Perhaps she was prepared to dig deeper in order to get money for essentials. Perhaps, too, someone in a bar told her where the cable was located.

There again, she might simply be a senior citizen with a sense of outrage at how the Web has taken over human life.