Oprah anoints iPad her favorite thing ever

Away with your protestations of sorcery and revolution.

No one truly believed the iPad wasn't a mere iFad until Oprah stood up and declared that Apple's creation is better than gold, sparkly Ugg Boots.

Not only that, she went on to exclaim that it was better than the equally shiny Madison Patent Sophia Satchel from Coach. Which retails at a mere $398 and which, to my eyes, is something of a disappointment in that ivoryish/grayish color. Although it is quite fetching in red.

You might feel as if an electrical storm has queered my receptors. But, no. On Monday, Oprah aired her final Favorite Things Ever show and declared the iPad the greatest invention of the century so far. And truly, her favorite thing ever.

Certainly, she challenged Apple to beat it in the next 90 years. But her audience members, who were all gifted an iPad, as well as the slightly more disappointing Sparkly Ugg boots, shiny Sophia satchel, and Volkswagen Beetle, shrieked at the mere sight of an iPad being lowered from the ceiling, with angel wings at its side.

The implication was that the iPad is, indeed, being harked by the heralds of heaven.

"Behoooolllllddd!!," Oprah offered, as her audience quaked. Then she revealed the marvels of being able to play EA's Scrabble game on her iPad. She claimed she could get two games in during one exercise.

You don't believe her? What dubious Thomases you are. For the show immediately cut to Oprah in her gym, her glasses perched on her nose, her iPad perched on her treadmill.

The other day, she would have you know, she beat the computer with a score of 384.

There is endorsement. And then there is benediction by Oprah. True, it doesn't always work. She did once give away a lot of Pontiacs.

But if you ever doubted that the iPad has entered the world's very soul in a slightly more emotional way than have many other mere things that sparkle and shine, please avail yourself of a video of Monday's show.

You may never look at the world the same way again.