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On 'SNL', A-Rod says he'll sue his iPhone

This whole being-banned-from-baseball thing was caused, according to Alex Rodriguez (played by Drake), by terrible auto-correct on his iPhone.

A-Rod, as portrayed by Drake.
NBC Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

If there's a more sympathetic athlete in American sports than Alex Rodriguez, I can only imagine it's Lance Armstrong.

A-Rod, as he's often called, has been banned from baseball for a whole season, partly for alleged drug use and partly for just being someone an insufficient number of people like.

Many wondered how he'd come to be associated with a now discredited peddler of nutritional advice called Tony Bosch.

So A-Rod appeared on "Saturday Night Live" to explain that it's all a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding caused by his iPhone.

Alright, this wasn't really A-Rod. It was Drake playing A-Rod. But one can imagine the real A-Rod attempting this robust defense.

"Have you ever heard of auto-correct?" he arrogantly asked an alleged Piers Morgan, who sounded like an upper-class hemorrhoid patient in a suburban English hospital. So, yes, he sounded a little, at least, like Piers Morgan.

A-Rod went on to explain that he'd used his iPhone to text Bosch: "What up, son? Thinking of seeing 'Frozen' tonight. Heard good things."

Apple's twisted device allegedly auto-corrected this to: "Just took a hundred steroids. Need to buy thousands more. This is A-Rod BTW."

When asked why he was texting Bosch at all, A-Rod explained: "I texted him 'Lost my phone. Who dis?' but that got auto-corrected to, like, 'my butt equals, then like an emoji of a steroid needle.'"

There's only one solution now. "I'm suing my iPhone, as well as the dictionary."

A-Rod would probably have as much success doing that, as continuing to sue Major League Baseball and the players' union.

After all, it's well known that auto-correct can create enormous pickles by changing things like "IUD" to "DUI."

Should you enjoy Drake's performance as A-Rod, you will surely adore the depiction of another star who is having iPhone trouble.

Justin Bieber's iPhone has been confiscated by police, after an alleged egg-throwing incident.

Here Bieber, played brilliantly by Kate McKinnon, explains himself with the confident aplomb only an iPhone owner can muster.

I am sure that after listening to McKinnon's Bieber, you will become a Belieber.