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Obnoxious luxury liner touts 'unsinkable' features, on-board spa

April Fool's!

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OK, this "fancy boat" trend is getting really out of hand. First there was that snotty Lusitania, and now this total abomination from the White Star Line. Called the R.M.S. Titanic, it tips the scales at 46,380 tons and is almost 900 feet long. Needless to say, it doesn't go too fast: just over 26 mi/hr. Chuck Norris could probably outswim that thing. It's also being hailed as "unsinkable" thanks to a convoluted design with all these wacky airtight compartments and electromagnetic switches.

Plus, this ugly seagoing behemoth is loaded with all kinds of unnecessary features: a swimming pool, squash courts, a sunlit cafe, and a freaking Turkish bath. It's a freaking boat. You don't need that stuff! Of course, all that stuff is only going to be available to the first-class passengers who are willing to fork over tons of cash.

Please, let's do something to end this trend of glitzy ocean liners. Got any ideas?