Hey, Internet. We need to have a quick chat about something. It's not a big deal or anything, I'm just a little worried about your priorities lately. I'm talking specifically about all the time you've been spending staring at photos sent back from Mars by the Curiosity Rover looking for alien women, or crabs, or whatever.
I heard the latest thing is that you all think you've found a crashed UFO that looks exactly like a Star Destroyer from "Star Wars."
No, wait. Sit back down, please. And don't "whatever" me, young people -- CNET and I have been online longer than even Google. That's right. Have you even heard the name Lycos before?
I didn't think so. Please give me some credit -- I have some idea what I'm talking about when I tell you that you're being trolled by some really lame UFO bloggers who just found what is clearly a rock, and not even a very big rock at that.
Just look at how this blogger, Scott C. Waring over at ufosightingsdaily.com, describes the thing:
"The craft is only about 2.5-3 meters across, so it probably only held a few passengers. Since many of the figures we found on Mars are about 5-8 cm tall, then we can conclude that his ship could carry about 20-40 passengers."
The year's wackiest 'evidence' aliens and UFOs are real (pictures)See all photos
Uh, yeah... I guess you could conclude that a kitchen-table-sized UFO filled with tiny aliens crash-landed on Mars a while back, or maybe this drone has really wicked range, or just maybe...IT'S A ROCK.
I don't have time to go through the whole thing with you again. I called NASA once and had them explain how easy it is to see things that aren't there in these pictures, I'm not going to waste the nice press officer's time again. Oh look, the Huffington Post already did:
"For making serious claims based on interpretation of the images, there's a tried-and-true process that involves submitting papers to research journals for review, rather than posting blogs," Jet Propulsion Laboratory spokesman Guy Webster told HuffPo.
Al right, thanks for hearing me out. Now why don't you go spend your time on something a little less ridiculous, like autotuned cows.