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Motorola: Come see how slow-witted Siri is! Please?

In a bid to unhex the Siri-seduced, Motorola videos purport to show that Apple's Siri is the slowest assistant in town.

Screenshot: Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

So you work in the marketing department at Motorola. You've just been bought by Google.

What do you do to ingratiate yourself? Why, you tell people that Apple is monstrously sucky.

But this is Google we're talking about. The Google that likes data, even when it comes to suckiness. So you create videos that show-- with quite startling factitude-- that Apple's new sexy siren Siri is the slowest-witted assistant since Baldrick.

I am grateful to 9to5 Mac for finding these films. For, yes, here we have utterly incontrovertible proof that Android Voice Actions-- may I christen them Ava?-- is simply more buttoned-up than the laconic Siri.

Ava finds you a gardener before Siri can even decipher your words. Ava can text Maria before Siri can even find Maria.

Surely you are excited.

Sadly, though, these videos are as dramatically engaging as standing in a puddle and chanting several pages from "Beowulf."

It's something Google has itself been very slow to learn. If you have a factually compelling argument, it's still quite wise to engage your audience on an emotional level. Otherwise people tend to switch off-- shortly before buying an iPhone.

I know some will be concerned about the Motorola marketing people when they get graded by Google. Surely anything less than an A+ and they will be cast aside in favor of one of the stellar marketers from the very strict parent.